Copyright Protected

     As of October 13, 2013 at 4:41am Eastern standard time, I do NOT give Blogspot or any entities associated with Blogspot permission to use my pictures, information, or posts, both past and future. By this statement, I give notice to Blogspot it is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN to disclose, copy, distribute, or take any other action against me based on this blog and/or its contents. The content of this blog is private and confidential information. The violation of privacy can be punished by law (UCC 1-308- 1 1 308-103 and the Rome Statute). 

"Don Jon", a comedy-drama

     This film tells a great story of a New Jersey man who admits that he can't live without porn.  The film begins with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "Jon", hanging out with his buddies at bars and picking up women, whom they rate on a scale of 1 - 10.  It displays the casual sex lifestyle of these young people.  Although he is prudent enough to admit that he will not have sex without condoms.

     Things change for "Jon" when he meets Scarlett Johansson, "Barbara", whom he calls "the most beautiful girl in the world".  She does not give herself freely, but insists that they get to know each other first.  He falls in love with this classy lady and she motivates him to improve his life.  His family loves her and they are inseparable, but he continues to watch porn daily.  In fact, he admits that he prefers porn to real sex because "he can only lose himself while watching porn".   The relationship gets derailed when she catches him and they break up.

     Through a relationship with an older woman, Julianne Moore, "Esther", he subsequently admits that he is addicted to internet porn and it is inhibiting him from having a real relationship.  He begins a journey of healing.  It is by giving up "porn" that he finds real-life intimacy.

     The film is wonderfully played out with intense religious imagery juxtaposed against pornography.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt wrote, directed and stars in "Don Jon".  Excellent film!!

Aboriginal Teachings About Love

     I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Isaac Day, Medicine Man at Six Nations Reserve this week.  He spoke about the seven sacred teachings:  LOVE, respect, courage, honesty, wisdom, humility and truth.  He emphasized that everything revolves around "love", love for self, love for others and love for mother earth. Without love, there can be no relationship.

     "When we get stuck, we stop and listen.  We listen to Mother Earth and if we listen long enough, we will begin to hear."
(Dr. Isaac Day)

"Tree in Paraiso Park, Portugal", Photography, JCM,  ©August 2013

   

Soulmates

"Soulmates", Photography, JCM,  ©2013

Still working on my Book. Hopefully it will be out soon...

"You give someone love, you elevate them; you take away your love (intentional or not) and you might destroy them.  This is surely where karma plays a role."

A Visit to Fatima, Portugal

"I took a trip to Portugal and it changed everything. Everything." (Sunrise at Monsaraz, Bruce Roberts)

I see evidence of love everywhere and this was even more so in Fatima.  I witnessed immeasurable love, faith and devotion by the people who visited the Sanctuary where the Apparitions occurred in 1917.  Men, women, children, young and old, walked a great distance, across the Square, to the Chapel of Apparitions, sometimes on their knees with their significant other holding their hand (as pictured above).  

In my mind this sets the bar quite high when analyzing what love truly is.  It is selfless, supportive, kind and compassionate.  Need I say more about the stories I have shared of my experience on the internet dating site??

"Marina, Wakins Glen", photography, ©2013

Came Back

I came back to find you cause I lost you long ago.

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

I miss your touch, your gaze, your love,

Can’t fill the void,

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

Every day, you’re on my mind,

Like a song in my heart, reaching out for you

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

I need you,

Like I need myself

Only more,

And sometimes

 You’re all that matters

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

I can’t let go,

Spiraling through time,

Cause I know you’re there

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

And if I could just touch you

You’d feel it too.

You traced your imprint on my soul, so I’ve come back, back, back …

"Love" by Dr. Eben Alexander, author of "Proof of Heaven", ©2012

"Love.

Love is, without a doubt, the basis of everything.  Not some abstract, hard-to-fathom kind of love but the day-to-day kind that everyone knows --- the kind of love we feel when we look at our spouse and our children, or even animals.  In its purest and most powerful form, this love is not jealous or selfish, but unconditional.  This is the reality of realities, the incomprehensibly glorious truth of truths that lives and breathes at the core of everything that exists or that ever will exist, and no remotely accurate understanding of who and what we are can be achieved by anyone who does not know it, and embody it in all of their actions.

Not much of a scientific insight? Well, I beg to differ. ... nothing could convince me that this is not only the single most important emotional truth in the universe, but also the single most scientific truth as well."

(Alexander, E., Proof of Heaven, ©2012, Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, New York.  P. 71.)


"There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as if everything is. 
 --- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)"

(Alexander, E., Proof of Heaven, ©2012, Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, New York. P. 147.)

Reflection - Art and "The Beast"

Gentleman -

You mention art as self-expression. So, what inspires you to create art? How do you see the "self" and the "world?" Is man's basic human nature a "beast" that is tamed by society? Or does man possess the Buddhist "loving kindness heart"? Do you see art as social commentary?

Clearly, our lives are filled with the banality of day to day routines. It is film, books, music, photography, and art that makes life interesting. Imagine a world without these pleasures....


Response -

Yes, art, film, music, photography, writing, all inspire a life worth living! I believe in heaven (a place of intense light and love). Mostly we make our own heaven here on earth.  We come back for a purpose and it is this purpose which defines our life.

As far as the beast goes, men, like women, make choices and it is these choices that create their existence. A life without "light" or "love" is one of darkness. I choose to be in the light. 

Post Script - The Dunsmuirs

     A person dies and our life goes on, another person dies and our life still goes on, a friend dies and everything stops. You wake up like any other day, you have no idea. You’re excited because you start Drivers Ed today and you can’t wait to drive on your own like all your friends.

     It’s so early but you slowly drag yourself to the kitchen and begin your breakfast, shower, brush teeth, and get dressed routine. While making breakfast you burn yourself, “OW the pan didn’t even look hot!” It’s funny how some of life’s biggest dangers are never seen. You finally finish everything and are ready to go, when you realize YOU’RE LATE!

     You sprint to the car and drive to the class, all the while thinking of how “there is never enough time”. You arrive to the building only to find that the class has been cancelled because not enough students signed up. Could this day get any worse?!

     You go home frustrated and try to entertain yourself because you’re already awake. Play the guitar, watch YouTube videos, and go on and off facebook, the usual stuff, but there’s nothing usual about today. Around 11:00 am you jump on facebook and see one or two strange statuses saying the same thing “RIP Dunsmuirs”.

     Your first thought is, it’s a joke but you don’t understand how it’s funny. Then you watch the news and you see the house, the house where you spent so many days, the house where you celebrated your 16^th birthday, and the house that felt like home consumed with smoke and blackened by flames. You freeze for a moment and then all at once you’re struck by emotions like a barrage of punches to the gut. Your body is so overloaded with feelings that you just let it out in one long, loud scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

     After yelling and punching every inanimate object near you, you finally relax and start to think about what has happened, and how it happened. The news report says the firemen did their best but how could that be? If they did their best wouldn’t your friend still be here? Why wasn’t their best good enough?

     Why weren’t you there to help? One brain isn’t enough to process this information, so you text some friends and try to make any sense out of it that you can.

     You decide to meet up with some friends because you CAN’T be alone right now and you NEED to get out of the house.

Jonathan

                                                           Jonathan and I, 2012

About Writing

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

#1 - Teacher/Consultant

     This gentleman messaged me several times on the internet dating site before I responded.  He was older than I, not very attractive, but had a winning smile.  He was also well educated, working half time as a teacher and  half-time as a consultant for the school board.

     I thought we might have some commonality so I engaged in several chat conversations with him.  He seemed pleasant enough and finally invited me to lunch on a Sunday afternoon, at a quaint little restaurant by Ferry Lake in Newmarket.  I accepted.

     This was my first date on this site so I wasn't sure what to expect.  I wore a torquoise fitted mini dress,  turquoise sandles, amber jewelry, pink lipstick and huge expectations.  I arrived at the restaurant and was directed to the patio.  It was one o'clock.  I waited.

     At 1:15, I ordered a beer and continued to wait.  There were couples seated at tables near me.  I sat alone.

     At 1:30, I began to wonder where he was.  Being new to the site, I hadn't gotten the gentleman's cell number, so could not reach him.  I asked for my check. 

     At 1:45, I paid my cheque and left.  I had been stood up!

     When I arrived home, I logged onto the internet dating site and checked my messages.  None.  I deleted him.

Lesson Learned - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may cancel a date at the last minute or even stand you up. 

Life Lesson - Very poor behaviour, not to mention rude, for an educated, middle aged gentleman to stand a lady up. 

Two Gentleman Comment on the Internet Dating Site

     One Gentleman -

     During my previous stint on this internet dating site.....I was starting to think that maybe it should be renamed "Fibbers". The Reader's Digest version of the 4 Greatest online dating lies...: Men lie about their height and marital status and Women lie about their age and weight . The funny part is that both sexes think these are just trivial matters...... Words like “ average'......'single'.......'a few extra pounds'........'athletic'.......take on a whole new meaning here. Men are fixated on thin women and Women are infatuated with tall men. I tend to believe most are simply 2-3 inches away from eternal happiness.


     Another Gentleman -

     Being online is not new to me and statistically speaking, seldom do these websites deliver on the promises made to their subscribers. I know myself and I like who I am. You be you, I'll be me and together we just might beat the odds.


Life Lesson for the first Gentleman:  What about 2-3 extra pounds for both genders?  Men may lie about their age too!

#2 - Government Employee

     This gentleman messaged me on the internet dating site because he said he liked my photos.  His profile indicated that he was fit, seeking a fit lady and looking for a relationship.  We only chatted a couple of times and then he asked to meet.  I suggested he drive up on a Friday evening but he said that the following Tuesday would be better since he had to attend court in Newmarket.  I wrote back asking what he was in court for and his response was that it was a custody battle and his divorce.  We agreed to meet at 4 pm on Tuesday at Starbucks on Yonge Street.

     I arrived at Chapters wearing black jeans, black boots, a black fitted top, betsey johnson  bow earrings and a large smile.  I found a book called "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne, purchased it and began reading it in the coffee shop.  I waited. 

     At 4:10, I texted him and he replied that he was in the store.  I asked him to come over to the coffee shop.  He said he was on his cell talking to Visa because they had declined his credit card.  I asked him to come over anyways.

     He approached me, wearing black pants, a black sweater, casual jacket and his cell phone attached to his ear.  I heard him arguing with someone at the other end about his credit card and then they put him on hold.  He was pacing up and down in front of my table.  I asked:  "shall we get a coffee?"  His response:  "you can if you want; I'm not going to have one."  "I think I will," I replied.

     When I returned he began telling me about how crazy his ex-wife was and how the judge had given her interim custody of his children.  He continued by saying that she had black-mailed him into marrying her because she was pregnant and immediately afterward she had quit her job, forcing him to support her.  Huge red flag alerts here!

     He was still pacing, still on his cell phone, now arguing with someone else about a $4000 charge that had been declined.  They put him on hold again.  He turned to me and continued.  He said:  "she's crazy but they're only allowing me to see my kids for two hours on Wednesday evening and five hours on Saturday." He said that she was a terrible mother who didn't wash them, dress them nicely or care for them adequately.  I responded:  "if you feel that way, ask for a psychiatric assessment."  He replied: "that's what they've asked of me."  More red flag alerts!

     He was very agitated, angry with Visa and with his ex-wife.  He snarled:  "After I married her, she had the nerve to gain a hundred pounds.  She went from 120 to 220 pounds."  I interjected:  "no woman would gain a hundred pounds to spite a man.  Impossible!"  Then my cell phone rang.  I took the call because he was on his phone the entire time.  I said:  "it's my daughter; I have to take this call."  We spoke for a minute about my student who was coming to my home at five to be tutored. 

     The gentleman commented:  "you have to be home at five?"  I replied:  "yes, I have to get going."  We said our good-byes and he said that he would call me later.  As I left he was still on his phone with Visa.

     Later that evening I received a text from him apologizing for his behaviour and saying that tomorrow evening he was meeting another woman from the site and that she was probably going to be the one.  We could be friends if I liked, he continued.  I replied saying that I had many friends and wished him good luck with everything.  Then I deleted him!

     Lesson Learned - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may have their lives in shambles, emotionally, financially and otherwise. 

     Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Wow!  You need an intervention.  You are definitely not ready to meet anyone.  Get your finances and divorce settled before you attempt to be a part of another lady's life.  Also, and this is the most important point, never, ever, cut up your ex-wife in front of a prospective girlfriend.

    

#3 - An Established Accountant Revisited

     One afternoon, while at work, I received a series of text messages from this accountant, exactly four months after we had last communicated.  He asked if I had lost weight.  I responded that I continued to go to the gym and looked fabulous.  He said:  "well let's f___."  My answer:  "are you kiddng?" 

     It did not end there.  "Come on, you'll like it," he retorted.  My response: "why would I have anything to do with you?  You texted me for two months and didn't even take me out for a coffee."  Then he said: "I don't trust women.  You're only good for f________.  I can give you ten orgasms."

     I had enough and replied:  "I'm a beautiful woman looking for a nice guy to be in a relationship with."  He stopped.

     Life Lesson - guys on internet dating sites may have serious psychological problems which result in misogynistic behaviour. 

     Life Lesson for the guy - get therapy.

April 5th,2013 - The Dunsmuir Funeral in Newmarket

     Today I attended the funeral for the Dunsmuir family in Newmarket. I sat next to an elderly woman whose son in-law had been one of the first firefighters to enter the home on Good Friday morning. When he arrived, the large spiral staircase and most of the downstairs was on fire.  He found them dead, of smoke inhalation, in the Master bedroom.

     Kevin, the Dad, phoned 911 to say that he smelled smoke.  He opened the window, which is what I would have done, but that only accelerated the process. The fire began in the dryer and spread throughout the home while they were sleeping.  Within minutes they asphyxiated.

     David, the only surviving son, spoke at the funeral. He was very choked up but wanted to speak about his brothers; his uncle had spoken about his father and his aunt had spoken about his mom. It was heartbreaking to hear him; no one should have to go through as much grief as that young man was going through.  The congregation applauded after David's speech.
     At the end of the service there were four hearses, 32 pallbearers; the 88 year old grandmother, walked behind the caskets, stooped over, and then there was David. Young people from Sacred Heart Catholic High School were in tears; the boys in Cameron's grade (like my son) wore black with a purple tie.  Young men were signing a hockey jersey and a rugby jersey to be draped over coffins. Thousands of people poured out of the Church.  A community was in shock. 

     It was so apparent how precious and fleeting life is. 

"The Toronto Star", April 5, 2013  http://www.yorkregion.com/news-story/2521069-hundreds-bid-farewell-to-dunsmuir-family/

"Little Red Dress" - March 2013

#3 - An Established Accountant

I met this gentleman online, early on in this process.  His photos revealed a tall, dark handsome stranger who was educated and well-travelled.  His profile stated that he was seeking a relationship.  He was 50 and had never married - red flag alert!

After a few messages, he left his text number and I responded.  We texted several times a day and he called me on occasion.  He told me about his garden, his work, his past girlfriends and the reason why he had never married.  He explained that he had come close to a committment but his fiance had left him in the eleventh hour.  I detected that he was not over this.

He spoke about his family; his parents and his neice and nephew.  He wanted me to text him photos of myself, but I refused.  I asked to meet him.  We made a date to meet at a coffee shop in Aurora on a Tuesday evening.  Just an hour before we were to meet, he texted me saying that he had to go to his parents' place for dinner and he would have to cancel.  It was a lame excuse (another red flag alert) but we continued to text each other. 

He texted me the first thing in the morning, the last thing at night and several times during the day.  He was obsessive about it.  I began to know everything about him, or so I thought.  One day, a few weeks later, I had to go to Richmond Hill to a medical appointment and suggested that we meet for coffee afterward since he lived in the area.  He agreed.

As I left the medical building, I texted him and he cancelled our meeting, saying that he wasn't up to it and we would connect another time.  It became evident that he was avoiding meeting me in person.

Everything was revealed a few weeks later when I was in Stouffville, attending my son's rugby tournament.  I was there for the afternoon and welcomed an hour or so escape since rugby isn't really my sport; I prefer watching him play soccer or hockey.  I texted the gentleman and let him know that I was closeby and would love to meet for a coffee.  He responded stating that he wasn't home.  I asked him where he was and he said "at my mistress's place in Woodbridge."

My response was: "are you married too?  Do you have kids?"  He said: "no, I'm not married!"  I was furious.  I felt I had invested so much time and energy communicating with him and he hadn't even met me for a coffee.  I knew I needed to end it. 

I began deleting hundreds of text messages from my phone; then I removed my outbox messages as well.  It took a long time but with each layer of deleted messages I was eliminating frustration and freeing up my phone.  I vowed  never again to save messages! 

The following Monday, I drove to his office.  I knew where he worked; he had told me.  I wore a flowered mini, summer dress, red heels, red lipstick, long flowing hair and Guess sunglasses.  As I approached his office door, I felt apprehensive but knew that I had a right to see him in person.  His office door was locked.  I knocked.

I heard shuffling behind the door and then it opened.  An elderly gentleman, frail, with white hair and slightly stooped, stood in the doorway.  I looked long and hard and finally recognized him.  Yes, he had the gentleman's features but those photos had to be decades old.  He was also much older and shorter than his profile indicated.  I reached out my hand and he called out my name.  He muttered something about taking me for a coffee later on in the day. I said I had to get back but had just wanted to meet him.  We said good-bye.

As I was headed to my car in the parking lot, my cell went off and there was a text message.  It said "loose thirty pounds and we'll f___!"  I deleted it.

Life Lesson - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may post very outdated photographs or photographs that are not even of themselves.  Information in a profile can be false and misleading.   Life Lesson for the Gentleman - I don't know what kind of game you are playing because you are still on the site with the outdated photographs and misleading information.  Clearly when you meet, all will be revealed!  Your comments were very rude.  You are no gentleman!!

"On the road to Sudbury", photography, March 31st, 2013

"I love Northern Ontario ... 40 km south of Sudbury", photography, March 31st, 2013

About my Mom

     I drove up to Sudbury to see my Mom. I met her at Church, just as the congregation was getting out of Easter Sunday Mass. She commented on how beautiful my hair looked and introduced me to her friends. One of them came over to her home for amaretto, expresso and homemade pastries. We chatted for some time.  My brother and nephew came over for dinner, carrying dessert and a white lily.  She served homemade lasagna, meatballs, veal cutlets, salad, red wine and coffee with a touch of brandy.

     The next morning she wore the sweater I brought her for Easter.  I drove her places including the Mausoleum to see my father.  When she got there, she kissed his crypt and told me that it was as though he was still here; she saw him everywhere.  They had been married over fifty years and she still loved him. 

     We went grocery shopping and she selected her favourite fruits and vegetables.  She commented on the fresh flowers.  I drove her home and she prepared lunch.  Afterward, it was time for me to leave.  She packed up a box of her pastries and handed me gas money as I walked out the door.  As I drove away, I waved at her small frame in the living room window.  She lived alone in the house she had shared with my father, the house I had grown up in...

#4 - Financial Planner

     This gentleman messaged me on the internet dating site. His profile picture revealed a bearded man standing in front of a fireplace, looking quite distinguished. He was a 52 year old financial planner.

     We chatted for a week or so before he invited me to lunch. We arranged to meet at the Cachet Restaurant in Newmarket. He drove up from Vaughan. I arrived wearing a black mini skirt, black heels, a peach, fitted top with 3/4 length sleeves, matching jewelry and peach lipstick. He was well-dressed wearing a navy, short sleeve shirt with black dress pants. The gentleman was shorter than I expected and at first I did not recognize him because he was clean shaven. He was seated at a table in the back corner.

      As I approached him, he stood up, smiled and offered me his hand. We ordered drinks and began talking about ourselves. He told me that he had grown up in a family of four boys. He had shared a room with his older brother who was a bully. He himself, was very soft-spoken and sensitive.

     The waitress arrived and I ordered a goat-cheese spinach salad with chicken breast; he ordered a turkey ciabatta with a side order of fries. He continued to tell me about his past. He said that he was the youngest and his brother began experimenting with him sexually. He felt victimized and didn't know how to cope because he was a child. I felt very bad about what he was disclosing; turning the subject to other instances of sexual abuse in the media, such as the Catholic priests and the Toronto Maple Leaf's hockey coach.

     We discussed this very intense topic throughout lunch. He said that his marriage broke up because he couldn't handle his past experiences and he was now in therapy, which was helping somewhat. I asked if he was still in contact with his older brother and he indicated that he was but it was very awkward. Our food arrived and it was delicious. We ordered coffees and continued to chat. I told him that I sympathized with what he had told me and that I hoped he would eventually feel better. He told me that he didn't have a special person in his life but spent his time working, seeing his kids and going to therapy. He wanted to overcome this but it was difficult.

     Eventually he paid the bill, stood up and walked me to my car. I liked this gentleman but knew that he could never be sexually intimate. I never heard from him again and his profile disappeared from the internet dating site.

     Life Lesson - some gentlemen on the internet dating site have emotional problems and their behaviour cannot be taken personally. 

     Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Disclosing past sexual abuse or other deep psychological trauma on a first date is very disturbing and not appropriate.

Another Lawyer

            This gentleman messaged me on the site on a Friday and invited me to meet him at a local dance club, for singles over forty, the following evening. I arrived at nine, wearing a little red dress, burgundy boots, pink lipstick and long, curly, hi-lighted hair. As I entered the venue I checked in my tuxedo coat and began walking about the place.

            I bought water and climbed onto the dance floor. As one gentleman put it, "Girl, you are rocking that little red dress." I danced for about an hour, then stepped down and walked around.

            Coming from the left side of the stage, a short, well-dressed gentleman approached me, "Smile, you're very beautiful!" I thanked him and asked if he was the gentleman I was supposed to meet there.  He acknowledged that it was, and offered to buy me a drink, which I accepted. We walked to the bar and he purchased a glass of Merlot for me. I discussed my blog with him and sought some copyright clarification. He told me that anything that I created, be it art or writing, was my property and copyright protected.

            He told me he practiced civil law. I asked him if he liked to dance and he said he did.  Then he took my hand and put it up to his heart so I could feel it. His heart was literally beating out of his chest. I had never felt a heart beat that vigorously before. I asked him what that was all about but he didn't reply.

            He reached into his pocket, pulled out a stack of business cards and handed me one.  Then he kissed me on the lips. I said, "I don't even know you" and he replied, "But it's nice, isn't it?" He began anxiously pacing the floor stating that he had to find someone. I took my wine over to the dance floor and waited for him.  I finally spotted him on the dance floor with another woman; they were kissing and stroking each other. I finished my wine.

            About a half hour later, I collected my coat and walked out into the night. As I approached my vehicle, I took out the gentleman's business card, ripped it into tiny pieces, and flung them into the darkness.  Case closed!

Lesson learned – some gentlemen on internet dating sites, feel it is their right to manoeuvre from woman to woman without any regard for their feelings.

Life lesson for the gentleman – don’t invite a lady to a club and then abandon her.  Why was your heart racing?  I suspect it wasn’t because of me.

#5 - Supervisor, Power Plant

     This gentleman was 60 years old, of Irish descent and found me on the internet dating site. He messaged me repeatedly, told me that he was a supervisor in a plant, had varied computer experience in his field, was over six feet tall, and liked attractive women. He was separated with two adult daughters and a lovely granddaughter. His work was very important to him but he enjoyed going out, as did I.

     We arranged to meet on a Thursday evening at the Cachet restaurant in Newmarket. It was a snowy winter evening and I decided to wear, black, tight-fitting jeans, an emerald green lace top with matching jewelry, and my black, above the knee boots.

     As I left my neighbourhood,I received a text indicating that he was in the parking lot of the restaurant and would meet me outside. I imagined that he would probably want to change venues and scrambled to think of a coffee shop nearby. I indicated to him that I was on my way.

     When I arrived, I texted him that I was there and saw a tall, slim gentleman standing by the front door; I approached him. I introduced myself, saying "you don't want to go in?" He responded "you're very pretty, let's go inside." I later confronted him with "if you didn't like the way I looked you wouldn't have gone inside ..." which he denied.

     We sat down at a cozy little table in the corner and he asked me to order a drink and dinner. I ordered a spinach, goat-cheese salad and a six ounce Merlot. He ordered a turkey club with sweet potatoe fries and a wine as well. We chatted for hours about his marriage, my kids, his work, my art ...

     He told me that the last woman he had met in Newmarket, had arrived drunk on an afternoon date. I was surprised. Then he said that his ex-wife was a severe alcoholic. Red flag alert!! He had nothing good to say about her even though they had been married over thirty years. I asked him if he was helping her and he indicated that there was nothing he could do; she didn't want to get better. She was dying from liver disease and a blood disorder. He would come home and find her passed out on the floor in a pool of blood. This graphic discription stayed with me for some time; I wondered what his role had been in her demise.

     That evening, when I arrived home, he texted me to thank me for a lovely time and indicated that he looked forward to our next date. He texted me regularly each morning and suggested that we go to a movie, followed by drinks next Thursday. I agreed.

     I hired a service to clean my home for 2 hours prior to my date arriving. I wore black jeans, a black moulin rouge top, I had purchased in Paris two years earlier, my trench coat, burgundy boots and red lipstick. He arrived well suited; this gentleman knew how to dress. I got into his expensive black car and he announced that he had turned the seat warmer on for me. Then we headed out to Silvercity.

     We saw "Gangster Squad" with Ryan Gosling, Sean Penn, Emma Stone and Josh Brolin. It was a fabulous film. During the movie he held my hand and it was very nice. We went out for a glass of wine and chatted a bit more. I felt we were connecting; he seemed mature, older than me by a decade, wiser from his experiences. Oh yes, and he was very handsome with an amazing Irish accent.

     I knew that he was leaving for Ireland for a two week vacation to see his parents. He disappeared off the dating site and I never heard from him until he messaged me when he returned. I suggested we go out the following Saturday. He agreed. We texted each other from Sunday to Tuesday and then we lost touch but I continued to see him on line. He must have been chatting with others.

     Saturday morning, I texted him asking if we were on for that evening. There was quite a pause and then he said that he would have to cancel because of work. I messaged him back after yoga class and asked him how late he was working. He replied, "three o'clock." Then I suggested we meet afterward. He replied, "I won't know if I'm available until later on in the afternoon." I said I would wait for his text. I waited from noon until eight that evening, at which point I contacted my girlfriend and we went out. He did not return my text.

     It was a long weekend and on Monday morning he texted me asking what my plans were for the day. I replied that I was going to the gym, doing laundry and going to my son's hockey game in the evening. He texted to say that it seemed like I had a full day. I don't know what he did that weekend but I sense he was not working.

     Afterward I frequently saw him on the dating website but we did not message each other. A week later I messaged him suggesting that we might want to go to a Tuesday night movie and provided him with a few options. I waited for his response; he did not reply. Finally I messaged him telling him that I was surprised that a gentleman of his age and position would be on this site if he was already in a relationship. The next morning his photographs were deleted from the website and a few days later his profile was removed.

     Lesson Learned - gentlemen on internet dating sites can behave very rudely even if they are well-educated, mature and hold positions of responsibility.   They may already be in a relationship.

     Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Why would you treat a lady that way? Oh yes, if you are going to behave inappropriately you did the right thing by removing yourself from the website however, you owe me an apology.

Post-script: Finally the Light Goes On ...

     The next morning he messaged me, in an attempt to change my mind. The conversation went something like this:

Gentleman: Of course I am talking to other women on this site, I have made numerous friends here :) I lost all of our earlier messages because the mail stack is so short :( Isn't it a little early to be talking to me in that manner: " If you are currently talking to other women on this site then do not message me again." I usually don't get that until the second date, lol. D.

Lady: Too bad for you. If you want to date me you have to get off of this site. Quite simple really.

Gentleman: So be it. That is a ridiculous attitude. Why would I want to be with someone with such a trust issue? D.

Lady: Why would I want to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable, dating and messaging other women, probably addicted to this site, and over 50 without ever having committed to a woman. Why waste anybody's time? Have a great day!

Finally - The Light Goes On ...

     This evening a gentleman from the internet dating site messaged me. He was 52 years old, 6'1" tall, Irish/Scotish and a computer scientist. The conversation went something like this:

Gentleman: Hey smarty pants! How are you?

Lady: Pretty good and actually I am smart, lol. I teach high school Math. So how is a good-looking, smart guy like you, single? That doesn't add up!

Gentleman: Well, I moved here from Calgary to get married but, it didn't work out. Maybe I am not so smart , lol. I could very well ask the same of you smarty-pants :) What is your name? D.

Lady: My marriage broke up about 16 years ago. I've been a single Mom ever since. My name is J. Were you born in Calgary? What is your ethnicity?

Gentleman: Hi J. :) I never married - what a shame. I'm from here but I served in the Armed forces in Calgary. I'm a Canadian except way back I am Irish and Scottish, which means I have a drinking problem but I am too cheap to buy a round ;) What is your ethnic background? D.

Lady: Well, D., you're right about the drinking problem and the cheapness. I was married to a guy who is half Scottish and half Irish, lol. I am Italian, born and raised in Northern Ontario and my dad's family was of Spanish descent. I visited Barcelona last summer to see the art. Where do you work Einstein??

Gentleman: Lol, ask a loaded question and .... I thought latin-born too :) You also speak French. I work for a retail chain in Toronto. Want some free cosmetics smarty-pants?

Lady: Would love some...anything that makes me look even younger, lol. Yes, I speak French, love visiting Quebec and France. Do you speak French?

Gentleman: Great, lets run away to Montreal tomorrow. Seriously, I am going tomorrow :) Yes, I speak French.

Lady: I love Montreal. If I had sick days left (the government took them all away) I'd run off with you. But seriously, you're not too far off. :)

Gentleman: I'm staying in the prettiest little hotel in Montreal, overlooking the St Lawrence. I love your pics. All of them are sexy! I could come up the 404 to visit you :)

Lady: I like the idea of you coming up the 404 to see me. I've stayed at the cutest B and B in Quebec city, overlooking the St. Lawrence, really love old Quebec.

Gentleman: We should plan to meet. You probably have a fixed schedule but, I work shifts. I love Quebec and lived there for six years - various places. I speak it as much as I can. A third of my calls at work are French.

Lady: tres bien, j'aimerais te rencontrer...

Gentleman: J`aimerais ca aussi. J`aimerais bien ca.

Lady: K. When do you get back from Montreal?

Gentleman: I'm coming back Sat night. We can stay in touch with text: *** *** **** Or, we can keep emailing :)

Lady: K. What is your last name? LONG PAUSE

Gentleman: It's "M." What is your last name? D.

Lady: Mine is C.. What did you do in the army? VERY LONG PAUSE

Gentleman: Long story... What a career! I could talk for hours :) That's how I learned French and got a pilots license too. What is your master degree in? D.

Lady: It's in Education with an emphasis on gender-based learning. I graduated from U. of T. in 2010. Do you still fly? VERY LONG PAUSE - IN FACT IT FELT LIKE NO RESPONSE SO I CHECKED THE SIGHT AND SAW HIM ONLINE. THEN I CLICKED ON CHAT, TO INSTANT MESSAGE HIM, BUT HE DID NOT RESPOND. FINALLY I TEXTED HIM, SAYING "HI". AGAIN NO RESPONSE. AFTER 20 MINUTES:

Gentleman: Wow, you are amazing! You must be quite the person to talk to :) I'm going to get some rest for my sore back. I was doing some squats today, D.

Lady: Hi D. I forgot to mention that I don't serial date and I expect any gentleman that intends to meet me or have a date with me to do the same. If you are currently talking to other women on this site then do not message me again. Have a good evening. I'm off to the gym.:)

Then at the gym it finally occured to me that this is how to deal with this internet dating site. In the last year I have met 30 men and out of these only 4 did not show deplorable behaviour (that means 26/30 or 87% of the gentlemen were emotionally immature, rude, narcissistic,lied in their profile and had no intention of seeking a committed relationship.) So, contrary to the relationship gurus who advise a lady to have no expectations for the first few dates, I decided to have expectations immediately before they even meet me. This weeds out the "unfit" ones and saves a lady time, emotional energy and stress. Not only that but it leaves the gentlemen, I am sure, dumbfounded and probably has them thinking about their future behaviour. This would become my new rule of thumb.

Reflection - They Keep Coming Back

     At least a dozen of these gentlemen are still messaging me, trying to get me back. In most cases, they're the ones that forced my hand, to end it, because of their inappropriate behaviour. Ironic as it may seem, they feel entitled to get me back, after "the 33 or 38 year old didn't pan out" or "the swingers club wasn't as fulfilling as they had anticipated" or "the prostitute" or "the emotionally detached hook-ups ran their course". Why me?

     The gentlemen I have written about showed poor judgement, emotional immaturity, sex addiction, lack of control, impulsiveness and regret. These men were between the ages of 45 and 62, had good positions and were financially stable. They were confused and unhappy because if they weren't they wouldn't be trying to contact me months later.

     On Saturday morning, a few minutes before I left for Yoga, my cell phone rang and there was the Government Employee, calling me after more than a month with his number hidden. I didn't recognize him at first but he told me who he was and I was stuck talking to him. He rambled on about his ancestry being half Irish, half Scottish and how he hadn't been dancing for a long time. Then he indicated that he had no plans that evening and would be "home alone". I quickly told him that I would be attending a St. Patrick's Day event with friends. Then I let him know that I was rushing out to Yoga class and had to go. He muttered on something about calling me again.  The last time I saw him, two months ago, he showed up at a dance that we were supposed to attend with a 33 year old Iranian lady.

     Yesterday, I received a text message from the lawyer from London: "You are more beautiful by the day...I cannot resist your exuding graceful charm and beauty which though we be apart at this moment transcend the grip of time and space ..."

     Last week the Accountant who admitted to sleeping with the prostitute on his birthday messaged me on the internet dating site after seven months.  I did not reply.

     Many relationship gurus preach the philosophy that women have to change their attitude toward men in an attempt to keep them interested and monogomous. This involves saying and doing the right thing to "keep their man". I disagree with this approach. There is no excuse for bad behaviour.

     They also emphasize that a lady should be positive, assume that the man is serious, interested, dating only them, want a relationship and have no expectations for the first several dates. That is how I was. In each case, the gentleman did something which totally derailed the friendship. As I said, no decent woman, with positive self-esteem would tolerate such behaviour. Several of the gentlemen I encountered on this quest, I would deem narcissistic and emotionally unstable. They violated a code of conduct and showed no regard for my feelings.

"Woman in Red", collage/mixed media, ©2013

#30 - Enterpreneur - "Let's Get off this Site Together"

    I was attracted to this gentleman because of his subtitle, "Let's get off this Site Together!" His profile stated that he was ready to settle down and was looking for a passionate, fit, positive lady.  I messaged him and he responded.

            During our chats, I learned that he had a business degree from York and owned his own company.  He called himself an entrepreneur, was very vague about the specifics of his work, and kept his private life under wraps. Red flag alert!! He invited me out for dinner and finally disclosed his cell number. We were to meet for drinks at a restaurant in Aurora on a Tuesday evening at 9 pm.

            I arrived wearing a black fitted dress, black boots, drop earrings with matching rhinestone bracelets and an eager smile. I waited over half an hour when the owner approached me stating that the kitchen was closing shortly. He suggested another restaurant nearby. I texted him and advised him about the situation. He indicated that he was on his way. I drove to the next venue, sat down and ordered a glass of red wine.

            He walked in shortly before ten, wearing casual pants and a blue shirt. He said that he was late because of work. We ordered appetizers and conversed for a little over an hour. He told me that he was Jewish and I asked him directly, if he would take a non-Jewish woman seriously. He assured me that it would not be an issue.

            We continued to text over the next week and arranged to go to the cinema the following Tuesday.  At seven on the date scheduled, he called to indicate that his furnace had broken and he would be delayed waiting for the repairman. We planned to meet at the theatre to see "Silver Linings Playbook" at 9:50. I arrived a little early and waited for fifteen minutes before he finally dashed in. He ran up to the kiosk, bought the tickets and we hurried in; the film had already started.

            The movie was very enjoyable. I didn't learn any more about him since our initial visit and began to wonder about his "busy" schedule. On the way out, he helped clean the snow off my car.

            He called me mid-week to invite me out Saturday evening but said that he would have to cancel his Poker game in order to attend.  Two days later, he texted me saying that he had good news; he could make the date. We were to meet at a club in Aurora to go dancing.

            I arrived at the restaurant on time, sat down, and ordered a glass of red wine. I waited for him. The owner approached me to say that the kitchen was closing at 10; I let him know that my date would be here soon. He finally arrived! We ordered dinner and chatted, then walked across the hallway toward the dance floor. We danced for hours. He regularly excused himself to the washroom and always returned with his cell phone in hand. At 1:30, I suggested that we leave; he walked me to my car and kissed me good-night.

            The following weekend I attended a conference and invited him to come to the banquet Sunday evening. He agreed, but I let him know that the reception, with a full jazz band performing, began at 6 pm sharp and I expected him to arrive on time. On the day of the event he texted me to say that he would not make the reception because of work but would arrive in time for dinner.

            I attended the reception alone, wearing a black dress, black heels, my hair in an updo and rhinestone jewelry. I got myself a cranberry spritzer and watched couples dancing to the Jazz tunes. At seven, we were told to enter the ballroom and find our seats. I sat down, saving him a place and just as the first course was being served, he arrived. He wore a red shirt, blue tie and black casual pants. He indicated that he could not stay late because he had to work the next day.

            Another band began playing and couples got up to dance. We danced for an hour and then he said he would like to walk around to check out the karaoke. While we stood listening to various people up at the mike, he told me that a friend of his had dated over a thousand women. I asked him how many he had dated and he said not that many. He continued to discuss various celebrities, assigning each one a number (according to looks). At 11:30, he said he had to get going and I walked him to the hotel parking entrance.

            The next day I saw him on the internet dating site and sent a message: "I joined this site a year ago and told you I met 30 guys. I have learned a lot. Mostly I know that you cannot meet a guy here for a meaningful relationship. There are too many choices and it becomes a revolving door of chatting, meeting, moving on. The grass is always greener scenario never ends and the love tank is always empty; with people holding off for that next, more elusive person ... I'm ready to get off. Are you? Let me know."

            After fifteen hours, I received a response. I had all but given up hearing from him. "Hi thanks for inviting me last night, I had a great time, the food, the drink and especially the company was all good. Your message caught me a bit off guard this morning. I totally enjoy getting together with you. I'm not ready to take it to that level at this point. But like I said I totally enjoy your company and I like our new friendship." 

            Over the next nine days, we texted less frequently. He continued to visit the internet dating site daily. We decided to go see another movie at the same location, on a Tuesday evening.  I told him I would meet him there at 9:15.

           

            On the scheduled day, I arrived, wearing black jeans, black boots, and a fuchsia hoodie.  I waited in the lobby for half an hour before he arrived. He rushed in holding his cell phone, saying that he had texted me that he was on his way. He complimented my hair. I told him that I had left my cell at home and that he was always late, which he denied. We barely made the opening of "The Call".

            Before the movie started, I told him that I had tried messaging him on the internet site but he had not responded. He made some feeble excuses. I told him I saw him on the site daily and asked if he was dating a lot. He down-played it but said there was one girl in particular that he was in contact with regularly. I asked him about her and he explained that she was 38, blonde, blue-eyed, Jewish and lived in his area. I told him that I was right about the Jewish thing I had discussed with him on our first date, which he denied. Finally I told him that I would no longer be texting him. He said that he didn't want to give me up and would text me more often. I remained silent. After the movie, we said our good-byes and drove off.   That was the last time I saw him. 

Life lesson - gentlemen on internet dating sites are often involved in relationships; just using the site to further advance their egos or seek hook-ups. Their "work" is often a justifiable excuse when they are double-booked.  Gentlemen on internet dating sites often have no intention of leaving the site for an exclusive relationship, even if their title says so. 

Life lesson for the gentleman - you claim you don't want to lose me yet put forth no effort in establishing an emotional connection. Relationships are fifty:fifty.

#29 - The Musician

     After a brief conversation about earning a Master's Degree at U of T, the gentleman and I exchanged cell numbers.  At the onset he appeared personable, intelligent, caring and artistic.  He played and taught guitar in Toronto.  I had my reservations about getting to know him because of my previous experience with the "guitar guy".  I knew trust might be an issue for me.

     We began meeting at a gym for yoga or weight-training, which was productive and fun.  I decided to invite him to a play, "Jasper Station" in Cookstown, about 20 minutes from my home.  On a Sunday afternoon, he appeared at my door and we set off in his red Dodge.  It was a beautiful day and we laughed through the entire comedy, really enjoying the event.  

     A few weeks later I invited him to a juried show in Aurora, which included 2 of my paintings.  We perused three floors of amazing art, sipped wine and met some of my friends.  Our friendship grew and before we knew it we had been on over a dozen dates.

     I began to notice that he worked all of the time and had a lot of female friends at the gym that he conversed with.  One time I invited him to a pool party.  He came quite late and left abruptly as soon as my friends dispersed.  On another occasion I invited him to my neighbour's party.  He stayed twenty minutes, didn't eat or drink a thing, but instead, went to buy his sick father a loaf of bread, indicating that he would return.  Eventually I left, along with the others.  He showed up at my friends' place when the party was over; then stopped by my home, stating that he had been helping his father. I wondered why he had double-booked himself!

     On the day of my birthday I never heard from him until late in the evening when he casually messaged me.  I reminded him, again, that today was my birthday.  At this point he panicked, texting more messages, wishing me well.   The next morning I received a "Happy Birthday" message on my answering machine.  How nice it would have been to receive that phone call on my birthday!  It was apparent that I was not a priority in his life.

     The sinker came when he invited me to a classical guitar concert; he asked if we could go "dutch" which I accepted.  On the date of the event he picked me up in his red Dodge.  I wore a black, silver studded mini with matching platform heels, bulky black and silver jewelry and a casual three quarter sleeve sweater.  He wore a golf shirt, designer jeans and running shoes.

     The concert was not very good but we were enjoying each other's company so it didn't matter.  At intermission, we ran into a couple he knew.  He spent a lot of time talking to the attractive, married woman and completely forgot I was there.  Eventually, I walked away, saying:  "I am going to the back!"  He finally joined me.  Awkwardly, we returned to our seats.  

     At the end of the event, we attended a reception given by the performers.  He greeted the beautiful guitarist with enthusiasm, asking me to take innumerable photographs of him and her.  He handed her his business card and could not be pulled away.  After everyone, except for the staff, had left, I suggested we proceed as well.  We stepped outside, in the rain.  Halfway back to his car, he hesitated declaring:  "I want to go back!"  I told him that I didn't have my own car and would have to wait with him.  We walked back inside and he continued to talk to the performer.  I felt out of sorts for a lot of obvious reasons but waited until he was ready to leave.  Clearly the rest of the evening ended abruptly once I was driven home.

     My feelings were hurt and when I saw him at the gym, he avoided me.  This added to my pain so I telephoned him, only to receive a  blunt, uncaring and angry response.  He said I was controlling, insecure and paranoid about him with other women.  I told him that I would not be contacting him again; if he wanted to talk to me, it would have to be up to him.  I also said that I needed an apology to move forward.  He said there was nothing to apologize for.   I had been seeing this gentleman for five months...

Lesson Learned:  Even if you think you know a gentleman and have been dating for several months, there are no guarantees.  

Life Lesson for the Gentleman:  It is very rude to ignore your date while flirting with other women. It sends a message that she is not exclusive and that you probably don't care about her.  







   

#6 - The Lawyer

     I met this gentleman on the internet dating site last Spring. He was tall, handsome, well spoken and a fabulous writer. He practiced law in London and had a lovely picture of himself with his little dog on his profile. We exchanged cell numbers and what ensued was nothing short of amazing. He sent me innumerable sonnets, taking me back hundreds of years and making me feel adored. It was like I had met Shakespeare in the 21st century.

     We texted for over a month before we arranged to meet at an outdoor cafe in Toronto. On a beautiful June evening, I set off wearing a black, silver studded mini dress, black nylons and heels, with Swarovski crystal jewelry. As I entered the cafe, another gentleman approached me and offered to buy me a drink. He was also waiting for his date.  I declined.

     The gentleman arriving from London texted me several times and asked me to order wine while I waited. He arrived after an hour, having been delayed in traffic, wearing a casual blue striped shirt, designer jeans and a baseball cap.  His adorable pet accompanied him.

     We sat on the patio, ordered food and drinks and conversed for several hours. I intermittently held and stroked the puppy. At 11:30, I asked him where he was staying and he declared that he was going to another party after this, in Ajax. It was at the home of colleagues and it was a swingers event. He caught me off guard. I asked, "you're kidding?" to which he replied, "no." He began to describe the party, saying that people arrived in couples and socialized on the large property with pools, a hot tub, patios, ... As the night progressed, they undressed. If they saw someone they liked, they would go off in couples into the house and have sex. Eventually they would leave with whomever they had attended.
   
     I told him that it was disgusting and who would go for such a thing! I insisted that I had joined the site to find one guy and only one guy. I told him that I didn't care if I had to meet 50 guys, I would wait until I found a guy who wanted just me. Call it naive; he heard me. He said that if he took me, we could just hang out together and not swing. I said, "you haven't even had me yet and you would take me to a swinger's party!"

     The point is we were comfortable being honest with each other and the evening ended pleasantly. He walked me to my car, kissed me and waved good-bye. I drove home, undressed, washed off my make-up and went to bed. The next day, around noon, I received a text from him, apologizing for not spending the rest of the evening with me and admitting that he shouldn't have gone. He said that he was headed back to London but looked forward to seeing me again.

     We continued to text infrequently and he still wooed me with his wordplay. From time to time he asked me to send him pictures of myself, which I did and he would reply in adoration, like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Perhaps the distance and our lifestyles were too far apart because we never met again. Sometimes he still contacts me...

Life Lesson - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may have completely different lifestyles than you and don't anticipate changing anyone. Distance can have a huge impact on whether or not a relationship can even get off the ground. 

Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Booking a date with someone new before attending a swinger's party? Considering taking someone you just met to a swinger's party? OMG!

"rock on", collage/mixed media, ©2013

Reflection

You cannot meet a guy on this site for a meaningful relationship. There are too many choices and it becomes a self abusive cycle of chatting, meeting, moving on. The grass is always greener scenario never ends and the love tank is always empty; with men holding off for that next, maybe better person ... People are wasting their time, energy, money and hopes on this "hopeless" site.

#7 - The Businessman

This 55 year old gentleman contacted me on the internet dating site, looking for a relationship. His pictures revealed a tall, attractive, Irish man with a good disposition. Almost immediately, he gave me his phone number and I called him. Our first telephone conversation revealed that he was confident, successful and had two adult children attending university, one in Engineering, the other in Medicine. He told me that he had lived in Aurora for decades with his family (his wife was a beautiful blonde, whom he had totally taken care of). He had travelled extensively and had worked globally to revamp companies that needed a new image. He was good at what he did and had made a lot of money. We decided to meet on Friday evening for a drink at the Cachet Restaurant in Newmarket. We spoke the Thursday before our date and he presented a totally different view. He said that he had provided his wife with everything. She had a beautiful home, a housekeeper and weekend trips to Paris. Two years ago, while working in Europe he discovered that she was having an affair. He left his job, hastily returning home in an attempt to save his marriage. Almost immediately his health failed; he was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on his thyroid. The gentleman underwent radiation and chemotherapy which led to a stroke and eventual hospitalization. He spent months relearning how to speak, walk and take care of himself. The day he returned home, after a lengthy rehabilitation period, his wife left him. They divided their assets (he put his share into a trust fund for his children) and he moved into a friends home, housesitting, while they were away in Southeast Asia. He admitted that he was seeking a woman to move in with. He had shared a very sad story, none of which had been written in his profile. I wanted to cancel our meeting but felt obligated to see it through. At 7 pm on Friday evening I arrived at the restaurant wearing black jeans, a navy Joseph Ribkoff top, black boots, red lipstick and Carolee matching jewelry. I found him sitting at the bar, barely recognizeable. He appeared frail; his skin tone was visibly discoloured and he looked over a decade older than his photos. His demeanor was very negative. He ordered me a decaf coffee, but was very irrate about life in general, calling it a night before I finished my drink. Lesson Learned - Men on internet dating sites often misrepresent themselves with their photos, employment and health status. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - What about writing some truth in your profile? It is unreasonable to seek a lady to move in with in the final stages of your life when you gave everything you had to offer to your ex-wife!

#8 - The Psychology Professor

This very well educated gentleman first messaged me in June on the last day of school. He asked me to meet him at 7 pm at Coffee Culture in Bradford. I agreed. At 8 pm I arrived wearing a black mini skirt, black tank top, dark panty hose, black heels and red lipstick. The gentleman looked exactly like his profile photo. He was very attractive, fit and youthful looking. He bought me a latte and we began what amounted to a 4.5 hour conversation. He was brilliant! We discussed dating, psychology and attraction between the sexes. He told me that he had authored 4 books and was currently working on his fifth. He indicated that he understood human behaviour and let me know that "chemistry" was an innate quality; a man could not help who he was driven towards. I disagreed, trying to debate him but clearly I was no match for his genius; he quoted studies and authors and presented an amazing argument. I reminded myself to buy one of his books (perhaps his fifth). It was a fun evening; I learned so much and felt like I had attended a university lecture. Close to midnight, he walked me to my car, hugging me as we said good night. I would have dated this man but he did not pursue it. Three months later, we messaged each other again on the internet dating site. I suggested that we meet again for a coffee. He agreed but later cancelled because something came up for him. A week later we met at the same coffee shop. This time I wore, black track pants, a fuschia tank top with matching hoodie, runners and pink lipstick. I arrived 10 minutes late and watched his eyes scan me as I approached his seat. I knew what he was thinking "this is a different lady than the one I met in June." There went his chemistry theory out the window! He said that I looked different, more confident and thinner. I told him that I had been working out every day since July 1st. We talked a lot about fitness and the internet dating site. After an hour, we stood up, he walked me to my car and we parted ways. The next morning he messaged me. We continued to communicate by email. He asked me on another date, but I had to decline. He asked for a raincheck. Eventually we agreed to meet for a movie and drinks. A few days before our date, he got "cold feet", messaging me: "We should probably cancel our date because it sounds like you're looking for a relationship and I'm not. I'm not that into you and if I were looking for a relationship it would be with someone I was more into ..." I found it quite insulting but responded that we should still do it, just for fun. What this gentleman had in intelligence, he lacked in social skills. A day before the date he messaged me with a single digit, "7". I responded "yes, I'll meet you there." On a Friday night in October, we met in the foyer of Silvercity Newmarket. He arrived wearing a black leather jacket, khaki pants; looking as handsome as ever. I wore black leggings, a black mini dress with violet trim, a short black jacket, black heels and fuschia lipstick. My dark hair hung attractively over my shoulders. He was very polite, buying the tickets and later taking me out for a glass of red wine but the entire evening I felt awkward because of what he had said. We discussed his fifth book, his disciplined lifestyle, his fitness regime and his beloved cats. Before we left the restaurant, he invited me to go to his place, which I declined; afterall, he wasn't that into me ... We said our good byes. Lesson #8 - Some men on internet dating sites, though very intelligent lack the social skills required to court a lady. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't ever tell a lady that you are not that into her! It will ruin any chance you may have to get to know her, not to mention, I believe that "chemistry" grows with familiarity and is not a one time only innate quality. I know we disagree on this point.

#23 - The guitar guy, revisited

 The semi-pro guitarist reappeared on the dating website last week. He put up new pictures and indicated that he was looking for a relationship. I had not communicated with him in months, so I messaged him and we began an online conversation.  It was good to talk to him again.

            By the end of the week we decided to get together at his place for a sketching session. I brought my materials and drove the 50 kilometers required.   He texted me half a dozen times while en route, instructing me how to get there.

            When I arrived, he took my coat, welcomed me and offered me a glass of red Chianti. I accepted. We sat at opposite ends of his couch and began to talk about kids, hockey, his health, music, art and a variety of other topics. Eventually he stood up, offered me more wine and suggested that we begin sketching.

            I did several quick poses of him, standing and sitting. Then he did a quick sketch of me. I continued to draw him.  He had a flat screen TV on which aired a CNN broadcast of the Pistorius murder investigation. This is the case of the South-African double amputee Olympian accused of killing his girlfriend.  It paralleled the O.J. Simpson case in many ways. Already the judge had granted him bail.  We watched it, agreeing that it was a tragic event where a young lady’s life had been cut short in a horrific manner.

            We continued to talk, drink wine and sketch until midnight.  Eventually I suggested that I leave since it was a long drive home. He agreed, reached for my coat, walked me to the door and said “good night”. He hugged and thanked me for coming over.  The rest of the weekend I did not hear from him.  Sunday evening, while I was working on a new picture, I decided to text him.  He quickly responded that he was driving and could not chat.   I felt that I was being brushed off, that there was a disconnection on his part, like before, and because I cared about him, I let him go. 

Lesson #23 revisited - Some men on internet dating sites are emotionally paralyzed, not able to form an intimate connection with a woman. Luckily I did not do the hook-up. 

Life Lesson for the Gentleman - I think therapy is in order when you are this disconnected from your feelings.