A Conversation

Gentleman -Thank you, I hear that a lot, that men are so visual but I am not sure I agree. There is far more to attraction then visual. Lady -I agree but we wouldn't be having this conversation if we didn't like each other's pics. Yes, in order to have a real connection, it takes time to get to know if two people have similar values, levels of education, goals and attitude. I enjoy getting to know someone and never have sex on a first or second date (can ruin any potential). K, sounds a little rigid but it's a rule of thumb I live by. Gentleman -Lol that's a good rule of thumb... yes online the visual is pretty much the main sense you can go by for attraction. That's why meeting in person is the real test. because thats when all the other senses click in. Lady -Yes I agree, photos are 2-D but real life is multi-D. Meeting in person and hanging out is the best way to begin to get to know someone. But here's the thing, one meeting is never enough. I like to have 2 or more before I form an opinion. Gentleman -Really, what if the first is so terrible? But you're right it takes time you have to progress, first dating. I am not one to rush into things anymore like when i was 20

"Flowers for Andrea", w/c and mixed media, © December 18, 2012

"I have to spend every free moment outside of work looking for my significant other" - gentleman from the internet site. My response - "If you met her would you even recognize her?"

#19 - Yet Another Accountant

     I had seen his profile (in his pic he sported a red racing jacket) hovering around mine for months. Finally one day he messaged me. We chatted on and off for several weeks and it was fun having him online while I was in Barcelona last summer.

     When I returned, he texted me and invited me to go over to his place for an expresso on a Sunday morning. I drove over and was greeted in his driveway. He appeared much shorter than his profile suggested but was pleasant enough and invited me in.

     We sat at his kitchen table and he told me about his recent history. He was self-employed, having closed his company after a horrible accident caused the death of one employee and the paralysis of another. He took me on a tour of his place and even showed me his porche in the garage. I asked if he could take me for a ride but he refused explaining that he didn't have insurance on it.

     We stepped back inside and he began to tell me about a 25 year old girl he had been chatting with on the internet. I commented that she was half his age, but he didn't seem to have a problem with that. He said that she wanted to be taken out, spoiled, and he had simply asked her to put a price tag on it. She had messaged him back, announcing that she wanted $300 per hour. He said that was a little steep and she told him to contact her pimp. (Not cool, so now they have prostitution on the dating site.) We said good-bye and I drove home.

     A few days later, we arranged to meet for a latte in Aurora.  Our birthdays were the next week so I brought him a bottle of Chateau de Fonbel 2009, from Bordeaux, France.  We chatted for a couple of hours and I wished him well.  We said our good-byes, hugging and kissing sweetly on the lips.

     The following day, I contacted him after work, asking how his special day was going. He proceeded to tell me that he had just had sex with the 25 year old. I replied "you slept with that prostitute?" His response was "yes, she only charged me $200 because it was my birthday." I said "aren't you worried about disease?" and he said "condoms, condoms, condoms."

     I was shocked and suggested that we delete each other; he agreed.

     My birthday came and went.  For weeks afterward, I found him hovering around my profile but we never contacted each other again.  He eventually disappeared from the site.

     Seven months later, I received a message from him on the internet dating site.  I did not respond.

     Life Lesson - Men on internet dating sites can be very messed up and these sites can be vehicles for prostitution.

     Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't tell a lady that you just slept with a prostitute; better yet, don't sleep with a prostitute if you're seeking a relationship.  Clearly you don't value you're emotional or physical well-being.

#20 - The Doctor

I saw his pic on the internet dating site and was really attracted to his purple sweater (love the colour). I messaged him and we chatted for some time. He told me that I was giving him too much detail and should hold back until I determined whether or not he was interested in me. He continued to say that my pics were terrible (I only had one pic of me and the rest consisted of my artwork.) He advised me to put up multiple photos, showing my interests and at least one full body shot. I followed his advice. He left his cell number and I texted him. I felt that he wasn't interested in me but received two subsequent texts from him after a month, reminding me about who he was and complimenting me on my new pics. A week later I invited him to join me at the Freida and Diego exhibit at the AGO. He said he was not available, having to work that weekend but invited me to join him that evening at Milestones in the Yorkdale Shopping Centre. He texted me several times while I was getting ready and even sent me a photo of himself dressed in a suit on the way to the dinner date. I complimented him stating that he was my kind of guy and told him that I would wear a beautiful dress. I wore a black, empire waist short dress, with heels and a purpleheart pendant, which I had bought at the One of a Kind Craft Show. When I arrived, he was seated at a table, sipping a glass of red wine. He had ordered one for me and I gratiously accepted. We chatted for a while. I asked him if he had ever come close to a committed relationship. He shared with me that he had lived with a girl for five years, the wedding had been planned and paid for; then she left. He had a forestry degree and was mountain climbing in British Columbia with 3 friends when they had a terrible accident, falling ... one of his friends died, the other became a paraplegic and he was the least injured, sustaining 21 bone fractures. His right ankle had to be reconstructed and at one point they contemplated amputation. He was in a wheel chair for 2 years, was told that he would never walk again and that's when his girlfriend left him. I told him that she couldn't have loved him if she walked out when he needed her most. I shared with him that I had broken my entire left side during different incidents. He said that in his case it had been his right side. Two months before I was to be married, I had a horrific car accident which resulted in my left hip being fractured and dislocated. I was hospitalized, in traction, for two months. Years later I had a horeseback riding accident which resulted in my left ankle being severely fractured, dislocated, with all of the ligaments torn, and my tibia broken. His comment was "you're my yang to my ying!" We both agreed that the human body is capable of great healing when you're young! He was well disciplined and polite, having served in the army for 2 years. He had worked in Europe for 10 years and had eventually completed medical school. He was now doing his residency in Buffalo. This man interested me --- he had led a fascinating life! I asked him if we would see each other again. He nodded. I waited ... Lesson #20 - There are some nice gentlemen out there. Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't let a nice girl go, especially when your lives have run parallel and she is probably your soulmate!

Another full-length photo

#21 - Another Accountant - The Widower

A little over a month ago I was contacted by this gentleman and invited to a coffee date at 8:30 am at Second Cup on a Saturday morning. I awoke at 8:00, washed my face, put on some make-up, slipped into my black track pants and tight fitting pink track jacket, combed my hair and headed out. Luckily the location was 2 minutes away. Why 8:00 a.m.? When I arrived, he was sitting by the window, jumped up and invited me to purchase whatever I wanted. A cup of coffee sufficed since it was too early for me to consider food. He looked awlful with noticeable bags under his eyes and proceeded to say that he had drank a bottle of wine the night before. We discussed our exercise routines since we both belonged to the same fitness chain. He emphasized that he had lost 75 pounds with the assistance of a personal trainer and a medically-approved diet. Then he began to cathart about the death of his wife. What unfolded was a horrible tale of an argument between the two of them on the day of her death and his subsequent discovery of her corpse in their livingroom. His cell phone went off and he spoke for five minutes with an acquaintance about his afternoon plans. A few minutes later his phone went off again but this time he glanced at it stating that he could not take that call. He appeared anxious and ended the coffee date quickly announcing that he had to get back. After 4 weeks he messaged me and invited me to a dance. I responded after several days stating that I was busy but would consider an alternate date. He invited me to a movie and out for drinks. He called, asking me to select the film; whatever I wanted, he declared. We chose to see Stephen Spielberg's "Lincoln" with Daniel Day Lewis and Sally Field. I dressed beautifully, wearing a peach dress, pandora necklace, peach lipstick and heels. I was 10 years his junior but looked more like 20 years younger than him. He was very proper and attentive: picking me up at my home, helping me on with my coat, opening the car door for me, buying me tea before the movie and ensuring that my every need was being met. Afterwards we headed for "The Keg" for appetizers and drinks. Once again he bought me wine and escargots while we conversed about our interests and goals. Eventually I asked whether he was over his wife's death (it had been over a year). He announced that his home was a shrine to his departed wife and for his kids. He let me know that her clothes were still in the closet and her pictures hung on the walls. I told him that there were no pictures of my ex-husband on my walls to which he replied that my case was different because I was divorced. It was clear that he hadn't moved on. He told me that the women he had been dating on the internet site wanted to move up from their condos into a bigger home --- his. I made it clear that I had a large home, which he had seen, and wasn't interested in moving in with anyone. He stated that he was only interested in dating (even though his profile read "seeking a relationship"). Finally he said that the last woman he dated wanted to travel with him, 3-4 trips per year (his profile pic was one of him standing in front of a view of the Greek Islands). His profile read "plan to travel with my special lady." As we were leaving he asked me for sex. He caught me off guard and I rebuked "Are you kidding? It's only our first date! I need to get to know you first." He walked me to my door, kissed me, and once again asked for sex --- same answer by me. The next morning I called to ask if he had made it home alright and apparently he had, in spite of all of the wine he had drank. It was very awkward; he barely remembered my name, leaving huge gaps in the conversation. I thanked him for a nice evening and said "good bye." The usual outcome ensued. Repeated Lesson #21 - Guys on internet dating sites often misrepresent themselves in their profiles to lure women in. "A relationship" often means "causual dating". Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't ask for sex on a first date --- a decent woman, with her life in order, will refuse you. There are emotional and physical risks involved that require discussion (usually several dates) before trust is established enough to proceed. .

#22 - The Business Man

This gentleman messaged me on the dating website, showing a lot of interest in meeting. He stated that he always drove to the ladie's area, picking her up, because he was a "gentleman". He was born in Shanghai, had lived in Hong Kong and had immigrated to Canada 5 years ago. He was in my age bracket, well educated with a business degree, owned an import/export tech company and was well to do. He cancelled our first date because his brother had suddenly flown in from China and he needed to spend 2 weeks with him. He continued to message me throughout this time, flattering me and expressing interest. About two weeks later I was attending a conference in the city and let him know that I would be available for a drink afterward. We made arrangements to meet. I brought a change of clothes and dressed up before our date. I wore a red/black striped fitted dress, red lipstick and heels. My hair was long and flowing; quite pretty. While I sat at the bar, waiting for him, he texted me to let me know that he was just parking his Porche. He arrived, well dressed, shook my hand and smiled. He bought drinks; we chatted for some time before his cell phone rang. He received a text, allegedly from his son and announced that he had a prior committment to go see the movie "Skyfall" with him that evening. It was Friday night and I was not pleased. He paid the bill and walked me to my car, kissed me goodnight, said he'd call and left. The rest is history; I never heard from him again. Repeated Lesson #22 - Gentlemen who make you wait 2 weeks or a month for a coffee date are usually dating someone else. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't double book yourself on the same night; it's very rude! and don't tell a lady you're going to call when you have no intention of doing so.

Reflection

In linear algebra a horizontal line has a slope of zero which accounts for the passing of time after an event has ended. A vertical line, on the other hand, is said to have an undefined slope, indicating that you cannot have an event continuing while time stands still. At least not in this dimension ... So how do you define the moments after a relationship is over --- the disconnection time? It is clear that not all connections result in relationships, as Gideon Rosenblatt, "The Alchemy of Change",(http://www.alchemyofchange.net/connections-are-different-than-relationships/) points out. However, I maintain that communicating with someone over time on an online site creates a connection which develops into a relationship. Furthermore, these connections lead to attachments with subsequent expectations. The only difference is that one is virtual while the other is "real-life". Can a virtual relationship be "real"? If feelings are involved, yes, of course.

Copyright 2012 and moving forward

I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and stories, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention). For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all times!

#23 - The Semi-Pro Guitarist and The Artist

He messaged me on the internet dating site and from the beginning he gave me his msn address, not wanting to communicate there. We talked about art and music. He loved my art, understood it; said I was very talented. We chatted several times a week over the course of a two month period, progressing to skype. He had this habit of logging on naked, and I would repeatedly tell him not to expose himself, which he respected. Twice I took him on tours of my artwork on the walls of my home. Without the usual cliches, he wanted to know about every piece of art I showed him. I asked him to play for me but he said that the audio did not work. He showed me his Fender guitar and it inspired me to do a collage, which I began working on. He had wanted to be an artist but had decided to study music instead. He drew cartoon figures but never showed me any. For many years he had earned his living as a semi-pro guitarist and more recently got a day job, as an IT guy in a bank. He still attended rehearsals and performed on weekends. He had shared custody of his ten year old daughter and was a good dad; that much was certain (I saw his daughter's artwork on his bedpost via skype). We would speak about the lessons he was helping her with. He led an extremely busy life with little or no down time. I empathized with his schedule because I remembered leading a similar lifestyle years back. In short, I grew to really like him. One day I suggested that we meet. He asked if I would sketch him and I collaborated in this idea. We met in a Woodbridge cafe. I drove the thirty minutes to see him with my art supplies in tow. When I arrived, he walked in, looking exactly like his picture on the internet dating site. He was a tall, handsome gentleman with blond hair (half Italian, half English). He wore jeans and an artsy tee-shirt. I wore a tuxedo coat, tight black jeans, a fitted pink top, pink lipstick and heels. He bought two lattes as I took out my sketchbook, charcoal pencils and eraser. He sat down and I began to draw him. I remember his high forhead, deep set brown eyes, solid nose, sculpted lips, the contours of his cheeks, chin, his neck, shoulders, and so on. While I sketched, he was constantly being bombarded by a barrage of cell phone texts which he responded to, claiming that they were from a sick colleague who was undergoing chemo and whom he had to support (again quite honourable). Eventually he cut our date short announcing that he had to prepare for his evening performance. He gave me directions to his home and invited me to come over some evening. I stated that I liked to go out on dates to which he responded "With our clothes on?" and I relied "Yes, with our clothes on." I texted him a few more times after that but he never initiated anything. One day I invited him to an upcoming art show and he declined stating that he was too busy to attend. I texted him back and told him that I didn't think he was into me and that it wasn't right that I was always texting him. There was a long pause, afterwhich he responding by saying that I should get on with my life, that he didn't have time to date me. I never texted him again. The unfinished collage of the Fender guitar sits on my dresser, near my bed. I often wonder as I walk past it, if I will ever complete it. Repeated Lesson #23 - Guys on internet dating sites are often in committed relationships and have no intention of getting to know you on a deeper level. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Turn your cell phone off or better yet, leave it in your car when you are on a date with a lady. It is very rude to be texting someone else while you are meeting someone new.

"Standing Tall", Collage/Mixed Media, © 2012

#24 - Another Accountant

A few weeks ago another Accountant messaged me. Having met three former accountants, I was not elated. He began messaging me regularly, we chatted for a while and eventually exchanged cell phone numbers. During the course of our texting, I learned that he had been educated in the United States, had worked there for 5 years and had recently relocated to Toronto. He owned a condo on King Street with a great view and worked for a large firm. The possibility of potential emerged! We met for coffee which turned into a dinner date. He appeared pleasant and intelligent except for the fact that he spoke repeatedly about past girlfriends (not cool). We agreed to meet again the following Saturday. The texting continued; things were looking up! The following week, I dressed beautifully for the date, wearing a black top, black leggings, over knee-high, beige suede boots and a matching beige hat. He arrived one hour late, wearing an old pair of running shoes and worn jeans (very little effort had been put into his appearance). He began to suggest going dutch but corrected himself, acknowledging that women spend a lot of time and money on clothes, cosmetics, jewellry and so on. I agreed; after all, he was single and earned twice as much as I did. He spoke continuously about all of the doctors and specialists he had dated and how they had brought him gifts (again, not cool). We agreed to go see "Skyfall" and he purchased the tickets while I bought popcorn and drinks. Throughout the movie he kept to himself (not very engaging), and checked his cell phone numerous times for messages. After the movie he insisted on going to the bar for a drink. We had a glass of wine and chatted further. I asked him if there would be a third date. He said "maybe", stating that the following week he had his office Christmas party (again not cool). Suddenly his true colours emerged! He spoke again about various medical specialists he had dated and how he had had an affair with a client's wife (renting hotel rooms to do so). At this point the conversation progressed from bad to worse! He said that most women had two boyfriends, one to take them out and one to sleep with. According to him, it was too expensive to take a woman out to dinner but he would give me the transponder to his garage so I could clandestinely show up at his condo late in the evenings. I declined, telling him emphatically that I liked to go out and that having 2 boyfriends was a waste of my time. We eventually called it a night! It was clear to me that I would never date him again; however, he contined to text me sporadically over the next week. One night, he texted me asking how I was doing. Then I received two subsequent lengthy texts which were not intended for me. They were his response to an argument between another woman and himself. He had accidentally sent them to me. Repeated Lesson #24a - Men on internet dating sites, even Accountants, may be extremely cheap! Repeated Lesson #24b - Men on internet dating sites are not necessarily monogomous! Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Dress up for a date with a lady and never talk about other women!

#25 - An "Accomplished" Gentleman

I spent last evening chatting to a gentleman who messaged me on the dating site last week. He didn't have a photo, and I normally dismiss them at this juncture, but he gave me his real name and asked to google him. I was pleasantly surprised. It stated that he had written 6 books of poetry, over 700 published journals and was an accomplished businessman. I set out to unfold why he was on this dating site ;) During the course of our "chats" I discovered that he had been separated for two years, was 59 years old (much older than I), had a PhD and was very literate. My adrenalin was pumping. Could this be the one? He began to send me some of his poetry and it was good, although a little erotic, but beautifully written. I was enticed... Then I asked him some hard questions. How long had he been separated? Why did he get separated at age 57? Did he still cohabitate with his ex? Was he living alone or with another person? ... It turns out that he is living with a female "friend" whom he was intimate with "only once" 10 years ago. She is much older than him, nearly 70 and quite ill with a lung disease. She has a caregiver and he helps her out in any way he can (quite honourable, I suppose). However, she took him in after his separation and they are both in a financial downturn (uh huh!) Then he sent me the first chapter of his "novel", soon to be made into a screenplay. It was pure smut, a threesome (involving the waitress) in a popular restaurant. "Extreme sex intertwined with a meal". So I began to critique it. First of all I told him to add names to his main characters. He called them P. and M. Secondly, I suggested that he superimpose the sexual closeness in a love relationship and that he tone it down significantly. It was over the top. I suggested that he leave the waitress out of it and make her oblivious to the whole thing (much more subliminal). I asked him to develop his characters and write about a love story between two people in the midst of the human condition. Finally I told him that he was too good for this and should write a real "novel". Who would want such a "screenplay". He responded "the porn industry"... Repeated Lesson #25 Men on internet dating sites can misrepresent themselves, even the "accomplished" ones! Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't attempt to date a lady when you are cohabitating with a former lover and work to your potential when you are writing the great Canadian novel (the majority of women are not interested in porn!)

Prologue

Perhaps it would be best to start with my profile.

I'm a happy woman who enjoys her life and is seeking a companion to enhance it.  Friendship first, and then more.  I enjoy fitness, going to the gym regularly, yoga, art, travel and going out.  I am well-educated so seek a gentleman who is also educated:)

I have a wellness mentality.  I believe that there is good in everyone and seek to bring out those positive, energizing qualities.  I strive for success and have achieved it in many aspects of my life. I am beautiful, smart, fun, exciting and totally optimistic.
 
I live with my 16 year old son.  For years I coached his soccer teams (as recently as last summer) and attend all of his hockey games.
 
I would love to meet a nice guy, to spend time with, laugh with, and get to know better.
  
               On November 23rd, 2012, one viewer stated:  "U sound n look like a doll."
          
               On February 27th, 2013, another viewer stated:  "still one of the sweetest."
           
               On March 24th, 2013, another viewer stated:  "Simply beautiful!"

"Two people must negotiate how much to share, how much to surrender and how much to stand their ground..."   Deepak Chopra,  "The Secret of Love" - February, 2013.

Good luck to everyone on this site!



My profile includes eight photos (taken recently,constantly updated) including close-ups and full-length shots. It states that I am seeking a long-term relationship.

My Journey Begins ...

I began this journey of internet dating in March, 2012. I searched out a popular, internet dating site with hundreds of thousands of users online at any given time. My goal was to log on, create a profile and begin the adventure of meeting my soul-mate. Little did I know that a year later I would have met thirty men and be no closer to my goal than when I started. I need to share my story.