#4 - Financial Planner

     This gentleman messaged me on the internet dating site. His profile picture revealed a bearded man standing in front of a fireplace, looking quite distinguished. He was a 52 year old financial planner.

     We chatted for a week or so before he invited me to lunch. We arranged to meet at the Cachet Restaurant in Newmarket. He drove up from Vaughan. I arrived wearing a black mini skirt, black heels, a peach, fitted top with 3/4 length sleeves, matching jewelry and peach lipstick. He was well-dressed wearing a navy, short sleeve shirt with black dress pants. The gentleman was shorter than I expected and at first I did not recognize him because he was clean shaven. He was seated at a table in the back corner.

      As I approached him, he stood up, smiled and offered me his hand. We ordered drinks and began talking about ourselves. He told me that he had grown up in a family of four boys. He had shared a room with his older brother who was a bully. He himself, was very soft-spoken and sensitive.

     The waitress arrived and I ordered a goat-cheese spinach salad with chicken breast; he ordered a turkey ciabatta with a side order of fries. He continued to tell me about his past. He said that he was the youngest and his brother began experimenting with him sexually. He felt victimized and didn't know how to cope because he was a child. I felt very bad about what he was disclosing; turning the subject to other instances of sexual abuse in the media, such as the Catholic priests and the Toronto Maple Leaf's hockey coach.

     We discussed this very intense topic throughout lunch. He said that his marriage broke up because he couldn't handle his past experiences and he was now in therapy, which was helping somewhat. I asked if he was still in contact with his older brother and he indicated that he was but it was very awkward. Our food arrived and it was delicious. We ordered coffees and continued to chat. I told him that I sympathized with what he had told me and that I hoped he would eventually feel better. He told me that he didn't have a special person in his life but spent his time working, seeing his kids and going to therapy. He wanted to overcome this but it was difficult.

     Eventually he paid the bill, stood up and walked me to my car. I liked this gentleman but knew that he could never be sexually intimate. I never heard from him again and his profile disappeared from the internet dating site.

     Life Lesson - some gentlemen on the internet dating site have emotional problems and their behaviour cannot be taken personally. 

     Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Disclosing past sexual abuse or other deep psychological trauma on a first date is very disturbing and not appropriate.