#10 - Government Employee

I saw this gentleman on the internet dating site and was attracted to his smile. He was 46 years old, 5'6" tall, a Capricorn, lived in Pickering and worked for the government. He sent me his cell number, so I texted him. He began calling me several times over the course of a week. He said something about looking for someone to move into his home, to which I responded that you meet, date and see where it goes from there. If there is a connection, you don’t have to demand anything. The weekend came and I began making plans to go to a dance in Pickering. I didn't think much of this guy since our last conversation, but as I was getting ready to leave, he called. We chatted briefly and he insisted on meeting me at the dance. He clarified that his picture was over 2 years old, he had gained 20 pounds, was 53 years old, was a Taurus, not a Capricorn and his arches had fallen, making him a few inches shorter. I asked if he looked anything like his picture and he said he did. (Red flags everywhere!) I arrived at the dance, paid my way in, and went to the bar to order myself a drink. The gentleman approached me, looking older than his picture and much shorter. He was barely my height, clearly not more than 5'6". He bought me a red wine and joined me at my table. We danced the entire night; he was a good latin dancer. Afterward he walked me to my car. I heard from him a few times during the week. He explained that he had sole custody of his sons, ages 10 and 12 years. His wife had cheated on him twice (he took her back after the first time and she repeated the behaviour). He also explained that he was very involved in his sons' rep hockey. The following Saturday as I was driving back from Toronto, I received a phone call, inviting me to his place; apparently his ex-wife had just picked up the boys for the night. It was 7 pm; I had already made plans to go to a dance in Aurora but invited him to join me if he liked. I arrived at the dance at 10 pm and paid my way in. He ran up to greet me. Once again we danced all evening. He invited himself back to my place; I tried to get out of it, but in the end succumbed. My son texted me; asking if I would pick him up from his friend's place. The gentleman followed me to a home on Howard Avenue in Sharon. When we arrived at my place, I introduced him to my son and we sat in the family room. I brought out a 375 ml bottle of Chateau de Beaucastel, 2010, which we shared in crystal wine glasses. He said the wine was amazing! He left at 2 am. In the morning I texted him to make sure he had returned safely. During the week he called a few times but I was rather disturbed when I saw him on the internet dating site, when I went on briefly to check my messages. On the Thursday he called me and invited me to a restaurant near his home, the following Saturday evening. I accepted even though I wasn't keen on a gentleman who was really short and had sole custody of two pre-teen boys. I wore a grey, crushed velvet mini dress with a black short top, grey knee-high boots and a pandora necklace. As I arrived he thanked me for driving all the way and walked outside in his shirtsleeves to greet me. The restaurant was nice; he ordered a bottle of wine and appetizers. Once again we danced all evening. I found it odd that he got into an argument with the waiter; refusing to pay the cover charge. I stayed out of it, but felt that it was in poor taste. He had explained to me that money was no object; he was mortgage-free, had a good paying job (earned more than I did) and his wife paid him $2100 per month in child support. He invited me back to his place and proceeded to show me around. His home was extremely meticulous; I sensed that he could be obsessive/compulsive, when he offered me a glass of water and then washed the glass as soon as I was finished with it. He kept telling me to whisper in case his boys heard us and told me that his wife was constantly, kicking the tire, wanting him back, even though they were divorced. I asked him if he was considering taking her back, a third time, which he denied. I spent the night. The next morning he said I had to leave before his kids woke up; I left because I had a committment with my daughter at 9 am. He called me briefly at 10 am and explained that he was busy celebrating his son's tenth birthday with his family. I decided that I would not drive to Pickering every week; we would have to take turns, if we continued to see each other. During the week, he texted me a few times. Mid-week, I texted him and he did not reply until the next day, while he was cruising the internet dating site. I messaged him on the site and was surprised to see that he had deleted all of our previous messages (what was that about?) "It was very rude of you not to return my text message yesterday", I said. He called me, on the defensive, claiming that he was just on the internet dating site checking his messages and that he had not received my text from the previous day. I clarified that when I received his message in the morning, my thread of the message from the previous day was attached. He had clearly received it, which he continued to deny. I also told him that I didn't think he should be on the internet dating site if we were being intimate. Once again he said something about looking for someone to move into his home. Good luck, I thought! Lesson #10 - gentlemen on internet dating sites often put up false information about their age, size, birthdate, height ... and may not intend to spend much money on you, even if they can afford it. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't lie on your profile about everything; it's weird when you have to take it back (fallen arches, my foot). After 3 dates and spending the night with the lady, get off the internet dating site; otherwise it's over, before it begins.

#11 - Restauranteur - Ex Cop

This gentleman messaged me on the internet dating site claiming that I looked like the Kardasians. A psychic had predicted that he would end up with a woman who resembled Kim Kardasian, lol. He was a good looking, dark haired Greek guy a little younger than I. He lived in my area. We had been chatting for a week when he invited me for lunch at Kelsey's. I arrived at Kelsey's a few minutes early wearing a black, mini, Material Girl dress with a wide zipper up the front and mauve pumps. The dress top was accented with a blue/mauve floral veil. My jewelry consisted of a mauve, silver chain with matching earrings. He watched me get out of my vehicle and zap my fob with my right arm up in the air. He later told me that was what enticed him to come into the restaurant --- my sense of confidence. He had previously worked as a policeman on stake out and was utilizing that skill. I sat in the bar, and within a couple of minutes he came in and sat down beside me. He looked just like his profile picture and said that I did as well. He was quite pleasant talking about his restaurant. We ordered chicken fajitas, salad and red wine. He shared with me that he was (had been) very much in love with a married Korean woman and was just coming off a two year relationship with her. He said that he felt used because she lived with her wealthy husband, never allowed him to meet her kids but only enjoyed his company whenever she could get away. I agreed with him that it sounded like she was using him and never intended to offer him more. He told me that he liked Asian women and that I was the first Caucasian woman he had invited out. Then he revealed what the psychic had told him. I laughed, feeling flattered that he thought I resembled the Kardasians. He said that he and his brother were very busy with their restaurant. He wished me well; walked me to my car and embraced me as we said our good-byes. I wasn't sure if I would ever hear from him again because I knew that he liked me but I was also certain that he was still very much in love with the Korean woman. Lesson #11 - some gentlemen on internet dating sites stake out a date before they come in and may very well leave you stranded if they don't like what they see. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Wow, in love with a married woman for two years, what were you thinking? Why would you limit yourself to just dating Asians? --- clearly a sign that you were not willing to let go of your affair. Post-script - As I suspected he never called.

Reflection - Three Types of Men

     A pattern is unraveling on this site.  I seem to be meeting 3 types of men.  Predators, like #12 and #21. These guys appear to be respectful on the surface and are generous; but it quickly becomes apparent that there is a price to pay for being their friend.  They expect sex on a first date, ask for it, and if refused, become quite angry. There is no emotional attachment and anyone will do.

The next type is control freaks, like The Business Manager, Fifty Shades of ...,#18 and #19. These men are looking for alternative lifestyles where they can dominate the other.  Many of them openly seek out prostitutes.

     The third type womanizers, like #13, #14, #22 and #23. These guys are never seeking a relationship, even though their profile indicates such. They cannot stop looking for a prettier, better, ... They are commitment-phobic and probably incapable of monogamy.

#12 - B. & B. Owner - Art Historian

This gentleman messaged me several times before I responded. He was Portugese and his profile stated that he was 46 years old, never married and owned a Castle in Europe, lol. Eventually I responded and discovered that we had art in common. He owned and operated a bed and breakfast in downtown Toronto, filled with original art. We decided to meet on a Sunday to attend the Picasso exhibit. I met him in the foyer of the AGO; wearing a pink and grey floral dress, pink sandles and pink drop earrings with matching pearls. He was shorter than his profile indicated and yes, significantly older looking. He paid for our entrance and we proceeded through a number of rooms filled with Picasso's genius. The tour was fabulous; he was my private guide, explaining the intricacies of the artist and his work. We took the streetcar back to his business where he began to show me around, explaining that he had hired artists to do the frescos on the walls and had purchased the tapestries in Europe. It was quite impressive, filled with antiques and beautiful art. Then he offered to take me out for dinner to a quaint little restaurant down the street. During dinner I broached the subject of his age to which he replied that he was 56 (still not believable). We talked about art, history and Europe; really interesting gentleman! We walked back to his bed and breakfast. He invited me in for a glass of wine. We sat on opposite couches in a room which could have been for royalty. He poured us glasses of red wine and we continued to chat. Eventually he moved over to sit beside me and in an instant was kissing me intensely. I pulled away but he was insistent, beginning to undress. Suddenly his clothes were off and he stood completely naked. I told him that I don't have sex on a first date to which he stated "Do you know who I am? I am a very successful man!" I thanked him for dinner, grabbed my purse and headed out into the night. I went to my car, got in and drove home, quite upset. He never called to see if I arrived home safely. In fact I never heard from him again. Lesson #12 - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may be expecting sex on a first date. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - No means no; don't take offense, like I said before, a decent woman will want to get to know a gentlemen before taking it to the next level. Always call or text after a date especially if you have asked the lady to get intimate with you.

#13 - Engineer - Financial Adviser

This slightly older gentleman messaged me on the internet dating site. He said he liked my pictures and profile and wanted to meet me the next day. We exchanged cell numbers and he contacted me. He had an engineering degree and worked for a large corporation as a financial adviser. He had shared custody of two sons whom he saw on weekends, during the day. He stated that every Friday and Saturday evening he went clubbing because he had a circle of friends he hung out with and he loved dancing. He asked if I would meet him in Richmond Hill at 8 pm on a Saturday. He seemed pleasant enough, so I agreed. I arrived at the coffee shop wearing a black fitted dress, black leggings and knee-high grey leather boots. I sported a new hairstyle which consisted of dark undertones, blonde highlights and a layered cut with side swept bangs. Since I was a little early, the owner/manager approached me and asked me what I wanted. I replied that I was waiting for someone. He chatted with me while I waited. When the gentleman arrived, they exchanged pleasantries clearly knowing each other. We ordered lattes and began to converse. He remarked that I looked better in person and commented on my beautiful green eyes. He smiled and said that I had a nice figure. I thanked him. He told me about his work and his duties as a dad. I shared some of my experiences and told him about my kids. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and said that he had to get going; some friends were waiting for him at the club. He explained that he had many lady friends but they were just dance partners. The owner of the coffee shop walked over and handed him the bill, asking him if he was taking me dancing; to which he replied, "No". "Why not?" he exclaimed! The owner then asked us to wait 20 minutes and we could all go. The gentleman agreed. We waited. I followed them in my vehicle. We drove to a popular night spot in Mississauga. When we entered, the gentleman paid my way in as well as the coatcheck fee. He bought us drinks and I sipped my wine as he introduced me to the venue. It was very upbeat and his friends were nice. There was one particular woman who appeared to care for him (her body language spoke volumes). As soon as we finished our drinks he headed toward the dance floor with her. After about a half hour, I asked the coffee shop owner if he cared to dance and we joined them out there. We danced for 3 hours. The gentleman never asked me to dance but focused on his other lady friends --- dancing the night away. At 1:30, I excused myself, found a bar stool and sat down. I couldn't dance another beat. The gentleman's friend joined me. At 2 am the gentleman came looking for us; we said our good-byes and headed home. On the way home and the next day I received several texts from him. I responded but knew that I would not date him again. He had spent no time with me. Lesson Learned - Some gentlemen on internet dating sites have no intention of finding their match; they are completely entrenched in their single lifestyle. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't take a lady out on a date and spend your evening dancing with other ladies (friends or not), if you expect to see her again.

Business Manager - Fifty Shades of Nonsense --- a discussion

Gentleman - "Very attracted! If you feel the same way lets talk after you read the profile, smile." Lady - "I love art, fitness and falling in love. I hate the book fifty shades of grey, doesn't cut it for me. We don't need to be hog-tied to make passionate love. I want to get to know a guy before I consider sex with him (pretty good idea, don't you think). Would love to hear back from you." Gentleman - "I am sorry to say but though I am very attracted there is not a fit here if you believe what you wrote, in my view you can't get to know a man in less than a few months and why would he want to do that with you when you care so little and are so not attracted; you're afraid to get intimate? Women who say this to me are just afraid of intimacy and I have no trust in them, after all if you prefer to go to dinner with a man you find very attractive whose kidding who?" . "Must say Im guessing you also have no idea of the type of erotic tension and connection there is in a dominant/sub relationship, it is closer and with more trust and for the record it will please you in ways you have not experienced. Simplifying it to suggest it is about bondage just means it is not for you as you have no idea of the pleasure possible. For me vanilla sex is nice some of the time but the only way to build the closeness and trust and erotic connection I seek is with a woman who understands how rare and beautiful it is to have that type of amazing sex as a foundation for becoming friends and hopefully sharing a life in the future." "But that takes trust and desire neither of which it sounds like you offer. You sound like a practical woman who is afraid of intimacy and loves being wined and dined by your comments. You can't get to know a man till you sleep with him you fool, who cares if he is a nice guy and then lousy in bed?" Lady - "Thanks for your comments and I agree we are not a good fit. Of course I want to be wined and dined, you fool? What woman, doesn't. As for being a submissive, absolutely not; why would I give away my power and how would that give me greater pleasure, lol. I have had amazing sex on an equal platform and plan to keep it that way. One last comment, who cares if he's good in bed, if he isn't a nice guy (food for thought). I bring who I am, my creativity, seductiveness, playfulness, and sexual intensity to the bedroom --- because I am an active participant in my own pleasure, but foreplay begins on an intellectual/emotional level. I suspect you're the one who's incapable of intimacy." Repeated Life Lesson - Some gentlemen on internet dating sites are just looking for sex and won't invest the time or money to get to know a lady. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - No emotionally healthy woman is going to be happy in a submissive role. Like I said before slavery has been abolished!

Valentine's Day

I had been seeing a guy for about a year.  He was very tight with his money so we had succumbed to a “dutch” style of dating.  He had only taken me out to dinner twice and bought me a flower once.  I bought my own coffees, paid my own way into cinemas, had treated him to a Symphony, two plays, bought him books for his birthday and had an open fridge policy when he came over.  He lived at home with his parents, and I drove everywhere because his vehicle was unreliable, according to him.  The hook he used to keep me was that he “loved me” and was a very talented “struggling” musician. 

            I found a great deal on the internet for a quality hotel in Niagara Falls that included a night’s stay, with dinner vouchers, casino money and gaming chips.  Parking was covered.  I agreed to drive and he begrudgingly gave me half the money.

            To say the trip was a disaster would be minimizing it!  He constantly complained about everything.  We had a nice dinner, used our play chips for hours, and took a long walk in the snow.  He won a stuffed dog for me.

            Back at the hotel, he announced that I shouldn't be offended but he would sleep in the other bed since it was too hot.  I slept alone.

            The next morning he woke me up, screaming that the bill was not right; they had added extra charges but since the room had been too hot, he wanted them waived.  He also said that he hadn't slept all night and had received two disturbing texts – one from a client; cancelling lessons and the other from a female friend, refusing to attend his concerts but hosting other Jazz musicians in her home.  Then he exclaimed:   “this trip has been nothing but a waste of my time and money.  Not because of you, I had fun with you.  But we need to leave immediately.”  I retorted “Why are you using your I-phone while we are on vacation?” 

            We argued all the way home; I said I didn't feel loved, he didn't spend enough time with me,  wasn't a gentleman and didn't know how to treat a lady.  I hadn't seen him in a month, had arranged this lovely trip and he had ruined it.  I was done! He tried to talk me out of it but it was futile!  At his home, he retrieved his bag from the trunk of my car along with the stuffed animal he had given me, and left.

"Frozen view from the falls", photography,   © 2014

#14 - Engineering Technologist

This gentleman's profile picture consisted of a lake-view in front of his cottage. He contacted me several times before I responded because of his persistance. He told me that he was divorced and had two kids in their late teens which he often took to the cottage with him on weekends. He enjoyed all of the toys associated with his lifestyle - boats, seadoos, water skiis, kayaks ... He worked for a developer, engineering excavations and foundations for planned subdivisions. Forty people were under his direct supervision so he had a lot of responsibility to contend with; he liked his job. We chatted on line for a while before he suggested we meet for dinner at Milestones on a Friday evening. I accepted. I approached the restaurant wearing a tight-fitting peach top, black capris, high heeled peach sandals, multi-coloured guess earrings, and a beaded necklace. I found him seated on the patio, wearing a casual summer shirt with shorts and sipping a cold beer. He looked exactly like his online photo. He smiled when he saw me, put his hand out to greet me and introduced himself. I ordered a 6 ounce glass of red wine and we began a conversation about our lives. When the waiter arrived he announced that we wouldn't be staying for dinner but were having drinks only. He explained that he had to get back to his cottage and was in a bit of a hurry. I learned that he preferred dating blondes (his ex, former girlfriends). I was the first non-blond that he was meeting. At this point I began to lose interest. I asked him why he had decided to meet, to which he replied that he liked my profile and pics but really believed he wanted to be with a blonde. We said our good-byes and parted ways. I went home and made myself something to eat! Lesson #14 - Some gentlemen really do prefer blondes. It's probably a good idea to eat before you go out on a date, just in case ... Lesson for the Gentleman - Make sure that if you promise a lady dinner, you follow through; it's not nice to send her home hungry. Don't use women on internet sites as fillers for empty time gaps because it's a waste of everyone's time and certainly not nice for the lady!

#15 - Vitamin Sales Representative

He messaged me on the internet dating site, sent me his cell number and email address and asked me to contact him. I read his profile in which he sounded like a nice gentleman looking for a long-term relationship. I texted him. We texted back and forth for a week or so and I learned that he was a sales representative for a French Pharmaceutical company that sold natural vitamins. The product line he carried was well known with excellent reviews. I suggested that we meet for a coffee. He drove to Newmarket, squeezing me in between appointments on a Wednesday morning. I wore black jeans, heels and a Joseph Ribkoff royal blue top; he arrived wearing a suit. We sat and chatted for two hours. He told me about his marriage, separation and kids. I told him about my divorce, kids and hobbies. He explained that he was on the road a great deal but had time to text and talk to me. We parted ways. He continued to text me for a few more weeks and we exchanged email pictures. I asked for another coffee date. Once again he arranged another meeting in between appointments on a Wednesday morning. I met him once again in a coffee shop on Main Street and we spent a couple more hours chatting. This time he told me that he had several women he was chatting with and he could give them an orgasm simply by sexting them while they were driving. I replied "Com'on, that's impossible, they can't be driving, sexting you and having an orgasm at the same time." We parted ways; he called to thank me for meeting him and I never heard from him again. Repeated Lesson #15 - Gentlemen on internet dating sites are not necessarily looking for a serious relationhip even if their profile indicates they are. Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't squeeze a date into your work schedule just because you are double, triple, quadruple dating; better yet, why not chat with one lady at a time in order to sincerely explore whether or not you have a chance together. "An orgasm while driving and sexting at the same time," com'on!!

"Reflecting", w/c, ©1989

#16 - The Architect

One Sunday morning I logged onto the internet dating site and a gentleman quickly messaged me, suggesting that we chat online. I learned that he lived in Richmond Hill, shared similar interests as mine, was Italian/Irish and worked as an Architect. He wanted to meet for breakfast but I was not available, so we planned to meet for a coffee later that day. He gave me his cell number and asked me to pick a place. I called him in the afternoon and suggested a nice restaurant on Main Street in Newmarket. He declined, retorting that "Tims" on Yonge Street would be fine. We agreed to 6 pm. I told him that I would be going to the gym before then. At 6 pm, I entered "Tim Hortons" on Yonge Street in Newmarket wearing, black jeans, running shoes and a fuschia track jacket. I walked to the back of the restaurant and approached a pleasant looking 45 year old man. He was well dressed and asked me if I had just come from the gym. I explained that I had gone home to change. I remarked that he didn't look Italian at all but more Irish. He acknowledged this while taking a sip of his Ice Cappuccino. I said that I would have a small coffee with double milk and no sugar. He responded "well go get it yourself; I've got mine!" I'm sure the look on my face must have spoken volumes. Still I proceeded to the counter and ordered myself a beverage. I thought of leaving immediately but politeness kicked in and I returned to the table where he sat, telling myself that I was going to make it a brief visit and then head home. He asked a lot of questions and before long we were engaged in a conversation. It turned out that we both appreciated art, architecture and travel. He had been all over the world; I had been to Europe. After an hour we said our good-byes. He called me the next evening and we chatted for an hour. He talked about taking me on numerous trips, to Vancouver, New York City, a Carribean Cruise, as well as to hockey games, dinners out, the Lady Gaga concert... I told him that I wasn't going to have the time to attend all of these events. It sounded like he needed to do things in a big way. He said that he had led a very priviledged life and invited me to dinner and a movie on the following Saturday. He then said goodnight and indicated that he might call me tomorrow. Two days later I received a text from him stating that he was taking a break from the internet site and from dating. He wished me well and said that I was a beautiful, smart, exciting lady. Then he disappeared. I deleted his number and never contacted him again. Lesson #16 - Men on internet dating sites often make promises they can't/don't intend to keep. Lesson for the Gentleman - When you invite a lady out for a coffee, pick up the tab!

#17 - Vending Machine Owner

This gentleman messaged me and was quite persistant to get my full attention. He was extremely complimentary, saying that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was a year older than me but had never been married. He explained how he had just moved back to Toronto from Woodstock, where he had run a successful restaurant business for 2 decades. He had returned to find his significant other; it was impossible to do so in Woodstock. He now ran a vending machine business with multiple machines at several locations. We exchanged cell phone numbers; he called and texted me regularly for a couple of weeks. It appeared that he was really interested! We then arranged to meet on a Sunday afternoon for lunch and a movie at the Promenade Mall (a halfway point). I wore tight black jeans with heels, a danskin top and short black coverall. He wore a suit. He treated me to lunch; we enjoyed each others' company. He told me that there were many women messaging him on the internet site; I reminded him that he had contacted me. He said these other ladies were offering him sex. I said I needed to get to know him better first. It was over lattes that he mentionned a headache and stated that he would have to back out of the movie. Very disappointing ... I thanked him and drove home. He did not call me that evening. In fact I had to call him a few days later to see how he was doing. As quickly as he had pursued me; he extinguished his interest. Wow! Lesson #17 - Men on internet dating sites are often looking for quick sex with little effort; not willing to invest the time and money required to find their "significant other". Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Don't promise a lady a movie on a date and then back out; I, for one, look forward to plans that have been made.

"Fender Guitar, collage/mixed media, © 2013

Copyright 2013

I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and stories, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention). For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all times!

#18 - An Oakville Businessman - Fifty Shades of ...

I messaged this nice looking gentleman with 2 Masters degrees on the internet dating site. His pictures and education caught my attention. I shared with him my love of art and learning. He told me that his background was British and his Masters degrees were in Education and Business Administration. He was my age but had never been married. He was seeking a committed relationship. Eventually he indicated to me that he wasn't sure if I could be a "sub". I asked him to clarify and he sent me a link to a website which I quickly read. It defined the parameters of a submissive - dominant lifestyle in a lengthy list of rules and regulations. The submissive was little more than a slave to her Master. He controlled her dress, behaviour, sexuality, and most other choices. She could not look up at him at eye level but had to bow her head down, could not take a bite of her meal without him first and had to allow him full use of her body for his sexual gratification. It went on to explain House and Dungeon protocol during play sessions. Everything I read was totally out of character for me. I believe in equality in relationships. I wondered what woman would accept his offer?? I wrote him back and explained that I could not possibly follow all of those rules (they would stiffle my creativity). I wondered why his profile did not even hint at this lifestyle. I never heard from him again but his profile followed mine for some time. Lesson # 18 - Internet dating profiles leave out a lot of pertinent information. Good education doesn't necessarily negate an alternative lifestyle. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Be honest in your profile and I believe Lincoln's 13th Amendment was successfully passed in 1865, abolishing slavery, not to mention the "Womens' Rights Movement".