#23 - The guitar guy, revisited

 The semi-pro guitarist reappeared on the dating website last week. He put up new pictures and indicated that he was looking for a relationship. I had not communicated with him in months, so I messaged him and we began an online conversation.  It was good to talk to him again.

            By the end of the week we decided to get together at his place for a sketching session. I brought my materials and drove the 50 kilometers required.   He texted me half a dozen times while en route, instructing me how to get there.

            When I arrived, he took my coat, welcomed me and offered me a glass of red Chianti. I accepted. We sat at opposite ends of his couch and began to talk about kids, hockey, his health, music, art and a variety of other topics. Eventually he stood up, offered me more wine and suggested that we begin sketching.

            I did several quick poses of him, standing and sitting. Then he did a quick sketch of me. I continued to draw him.  He had a flat screen TV on which aired a CNN broadcast of the Pistorius murder investigation. This is the case of the South-African double amputee Olympian accused of killing his girlfriend.  It paralleled the O.J. Simpson case in many ways. Already the judge had granted him bail.  We watched it, agreeing that it was a tragic event where a young lady’s life had been cut short in a horrific manner.

            We continued to talk, drink wine and sketch until midnight.  Eventually I suggested that I leave since it was a long drive home. He agreed, reached for my coat, walked me to the door and said “good night”. He hugged and thanked me for coming over.  The rest of the weekend I did not hear from him.  Sunday evening, while I was working on a new picture, I decided to text him.  He quickly responded that he was driving and could not chat.   I felt that I was being brushed off, that there was a disconnection on his part, like before, and because I cared about him, I let him go. 

Lesson #23 revisited - Some men on internet dating sites are emotionally paralyzed, not able to form an intimate connection with a woman. Luckily I did not do the hook-up. 

Life Lesson for the Gentleman - I think therapy is in order when you are this disconnected from your feelings.

#9 - Construction Project Manager

This good-looking Italian man messaged me repeatedly on the site before I finally responded. He suggested that we meet at Milestones, near me, for drinks and appetizers on a Thursday evening. I accepted. I arrived in a dark, floral print dress, peach sandles, matching jewelry and a large smile. My auburn hair hung gracefully over my shoulders. He met me inside the restaurant, scanning me with his eyes. I said, "Well here we are, so let's have drinks!" He ordered a beer and Nacho platter; I ordered a glass of red wine. He began to tell me that he had 4 children, 2 were his and another 2 were his former wife's. I asked him to explain and what ensued was a sad tale of a man in love with a woman who could not be monogomous. He told me that his wife was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He described her as petite, blonde and very pretty. They married, had 2 children and when his youngest was 6, she had an affair with the neighbour, got pregnant, left her family and proceeded to have another child with the neighbour. After 5 years, she tired of the neighbour and reconciled with her husband. They bought a new home and became a family again, this time with 4 kids. His life was uneventful for 9 years and then she took up with her eldest son's trainer, who was a decade younger than her. Once again she moved out, leaving the kids with her husband. He bought her out, paying her half of the value of their home (this was now the second time around for him). I asked him how long he had been on the dating site. He said that it had been a couple of years; he had met over 50 women but he knew instantly that they were not the one. I suggested that he was still in love with his wife and that he would probably take her back again, which he denied. We chatted for a couple of hours and then said our good-byes. Neither one of us ever intended to see each other again! Lesson #9 - Gentlemen on internet dating sites may not be ready for a relationship. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - Taking her back after she's cheated on you twice, what are you thinking?

Post-Script: Government Employee

Gentleman - You predicted everything correctly. I was quite amazed on how much she had lied to me. With respects to you I likely should have predicted you were actually going to the dance to dance with me. Anyway I felt badly of the outcome and it hurt to lose you entirely.

Another Gentleman's Opinion (My Friend) on #10b

Friend - Oh my god!...Tears filled my eyes right now. What a f...ing asshole..i dont know what to say. No gentleman does this. I hope he gets f..in hurt in the meanest way. I am soo mad. Maybe you should start to look for another internet dating site/place. You are so great but these assholes are not worthy of you... ... Response - Thanks for your kind words; it's nice to hear that even men think this guy is nuts. I deleted him completely last night, even from my storage on my cellphone, so I would never be tempted to text him again. You're right,I need to take a break from the site.

A Gentleman's Opinion

Lady - I agree about jealousy and possessiveness. However, may I ask you a question? If you go on 3-4 dates with a lady, are intimate and it clicks, then what do you do about your internet dating account? ----- Gentleman - that goes without saying, delete ----- Lady - thanks, needed a gentleman's opinion:)

#10b - Government Employee - clearly, you don't mess with the Government!

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I contacted the Government Employee and agreed to meet him at a downtown dance club to talk. I cleaned my house, cooked for my son, straightened my hair, put on a black/red tight fitting dress with a light sweater, red pumps and lipstick, matching red jewelry and headed out. He texted me and told me that he would meet me there but would arrive earlier than I. I arrived at 9:45 since it took me 40 minutes to drive down, paid my entrance fee and entered the room. I could not see him so I texted him. Then I spotted him on the dance floor with a vibrant, young lady dancing the night away. He later told me that he had been dancing with her for an hour and a half and even though I looked beautiful, he was confused. They were clearly into each other. He admitted that she was too young but said it didn't bother him. The lady was a 33 year old Iranian who spoke Farsi. I began telling him that he was making a mistake but stopped short, realizing that there was nothing I could do or say to change his mind. He told me that they had just met and she was willing to move in with him, didn't want any children of her own and would be content to help raise his. I suggested that she was after his assets. He grimaced. He said he had drank 2 glasses of wine before he arrived and had just finished a third at the venue. "You drove drunk! Why didn't you wait for me?", I declared. Then he announced that he had to go get another glass of wine. He returned with the Iranian woman and they sat down together across from me. I picked up my coat, and started to leave. He followed me to the exit and said that I should stay I looked beautiful and there were plenty of guys I could dance with. I told him that I had expected to be with him. I reached out my hand, "I need to say good-bye", and left. I walked into the cold, darkness, alone and very upset. I began driving home in a state of shock. How could he sleep with me the previous Saturday and then show up with another woman, the next? Halfway home, I pulled over into a Mcdonald's restaurant, tears welling in my eyes. I texted a friend and explained the entire episode. His response was that the guy must be crazy to do such a thing and that it was his loss. After an hour, I made my way home. Lesson #10b - there are gentlemen on the internet dating site who have no ethics or consideration for a lady's feelings. Never go out on a subsequent date with a guy who has told you that he wants to keep searching on the internet dating site. Life Lesson for the Gentleman - your behaviour shows that you are angry, cruel and insensitive. No gentleman would treat a lady that way!